Well the Xmas break and the pounds put on through over-indulgence have had a bit more of an effect on me than in previous years.
In years gone by I’ve just ignored the Xmas weight build up knowing that through the summer months I’ll lose the pounds put on by getting out doing more, biking, golfing etc… but in the last two years I’ve done a lot less golfing and very little activity. I’m able to attribute this to the worrying about when I’ll see my child, the heartache, stress and lack of spare money caused by having to take legal action against the ex.
I’ve always been a fairly active guy, I’m a well-built 6’2” guy, 16-17st ex-Rugby player build……but at 41 and with the hassles I’m going through with the ex it has become difficult to motivate myself in to doing even the simplest things.
I wouldn’t say I’ve fixed myself because I don’t think I was broken (I was close to it yes) but I’m getting back on the track to a better physical wellbeing which is definitely having an effect on my mental state. I have a lot less days of feeling like giving up than at any time within the last 3-4yrs and I’ve started making longer term goals than shorter term goals.
In the last 8-10mths I started doing things that are less expensive to cut back on costs, so golf got cut to once a month when I could get and started mountain biking a lot more. I’ve been bitten by a bug now…..the biking has increased my fitness levels a little and my motivation is starting to come back too.
During the week following the Xmas break I decided to try and get myself fit again and having a goal to aim for I would do my best to achieve that fitness level again. Not quite a New Year’s resolution more a life style change and so setting myself a goal is going to make me change things a little.
The goal/target I’ve set is to attempt to complete a mountain bike marathon in July, 47miles(75K) across country with 500-800 other riders. I’ve enjoyed biking for many years and really enjoying the adrenaline rush of a good single track ride in the local hills and forests so as much as this is going to be a hard challenge its going to be good fun too. I’ve not set myself a time limit other than I must complete it and within the day (lol) having never done a challenge like this I’m guessing that less than 6hrs would be a target time to aim for but in all honesty I just want to complete it to say I did it.
You may be asking why have I bothered to write this post?
Well…..partly to set myself a higher target to motivate me further but also to suggest to anyone struggling to cope with day to day existence while fighting to keep in their children’s lives that it may help to focus your mind on other things as well as your fight for your kids.
I was so wrapped up in my fighting for regular contact with my little one that I realised I’ve either caused the break-up of a couple of relationships with my constant fight or I’ve pushed people away including family and friends through it becoming all I seem to think and talk about.
There’s not an hour of the day awake or sleeping that I don’t think about my son……but that used to be every minute….my head is slowly getting around the problems caused by my ex, I know I’ve done nothing to deserve what she has and is putting me through….i know that the courts now can see this and I know that one day soon I will get unconditional contact with my son….all these things are helping me get my head in a much better mind…..its not an easy path to walk but keep looking to the future and see that you can do it and your child will thank you for not giving up oneday.