after this email i sent her saying id like to see the baby on my own as its too hard.
she basically said no she dosnt care and if i dont like it to take her to court.
so thats when i got the ball rolling and contacted a solicitor.
She sounds angry as you do, that will change and she will calm down, and through all that she is allowing you to see Alex, I know it may not be how you would like to but being able to see and hold him, even when she is there will make all the fighting and argueing feel un important.
Alex is still very young and being near his mum however you feel about her is important, the time will come when you can have time alone with him.
I have eddited your post to remove names as if you go to court and want to use the email it may be better if it didn't mention other people on here.
yeh she was letting me see him... but it was too much for me to keep seeing her it hurts everytime
after i got a call from her saying she wont let me see him on my own.. i told her to f off and stop contacting me...
she sed find a solicitor and i cant see him unless we go to court
ok well we can help give advise on the court proccess.
is there anything bothering you about the proccess you'd like help with?
id like to change his name.
and get put on the birth certificate.
also need to know what she can make me pay.
surely its ilegal for her to say she dosnt know who the father is? if she knows? i can prove she knew i was the father..
what are my chances of custody?
her and her mum have a history of depression and attempted suicides surely this will go in my favour?>
I'll ask the legal guys to drop by and answer your questions and give some advice, they will be able to give far better detail than I can.
keep checking back as they can take a day or so to answer.
anything else you'd like to know just ask and we will get the answers for you.
I'm off home in a while but i'll drop by later if your still about, and i'm sure the evening dads will be along soon to offer advice as well
also need to know what she can make me pay.
I'll ask DadTalk's friends at Child Maintenance Options to pop by and offer you some advice regarding this. Child maintenance can be arranged in various ways - how much you pay is based on how much you earn.
Gooner
I've just caught up with this, so I'll make a few comments.
Firstly, it does sound like you've hit rock bottom as someone else said - that means there is only one place to go, and that's up. There will be setbacks along the way - a lot of us have been through it, and despite the setbacks, it does get better, so it something knocks you back, move past it and work towards making it better next time.
You sound very angry, and you have a right to be in some respects, but it's getting in the way of moving forward. Go and see you GP, he's independant of the whole situation, and see if he can suggest anger management - it may be something you don't want to do (it takes a lot to admit that help is needed) but your anger is ruining your life, and it's meaning that your ex won't trust you, so it's holding you back on all fronts.
Before you go down the court route (which sounds like it will only aggravate the situation with your ex), take a serious look at mediation - there were some positive points in your ex's email (she is allowing contact to some extent), you may achieve more and faster that way.
To answer your latest questions, I honestly don't think you have a chance of gaining custody unless there is a real danger to your son's safety from your ex, and even then, chances are social services would intervene to assist in the first place. Your son is very young, and is dependant on your ex (and would be more settled with your ex the longer the process takes), and counting against you, you can't provide a home for your son, so no court is likely to award you custody. Likewise, you aren't going to be able to change his name, even if you were to get custody, you would have to get permission from the court, and your ex would fight against that.
I'm sorry if it sounds a bit brutal, but there's no point telling you anything other than what would be the likely outcome - that way you are much better equipped to pick the areas where you might have a much better chance of success, and the first one is getting your name put on the birth certificate, that is far more achievable, so definitely look at doing this - it might be something that can be discussed in mediation. Likewise, contact - at first the little and often is the approach to go for, and then later on, go for longer periods without your ex being there.
Hi CrazyBabyMother,
The Coram Childrens Legal Centre have had technical issues posting a reply to you on the forum so I have posted on their behalf
Dear CrazyBabyMother,
We are very sorry for your difficult circumstances, but before we can advice you on your position we must understand whether you have instructed a solicitor.
Please let us know as soon as you can.
Best Regards
Child Law Advice Line’
Just to let you know - under rules that solicitors have to abide by the CCLC can not advise you if you have a solicitor already engaged.
i have not contacted a solicitor.
shes stopped me from seeing him...
said i have to get a solicitor