but the only thing that keeps me going is that little boys smile..
That's a great thing to focus on man. Keep thinking of his smile.
Good to talk - so true! Man it's all coming your way at the moment. You are right thou - there is nothing like holding your son for the first time - no one can take moment from you
im sorry for bein so negative.. im sure u all have your own issues.. .im so sorry
It's fine this is what the forum is all about.
Nothing to say sorry for! You hit rock bottom and its your time to talk and ours to listen - i'm sure there will be other times in life when its the other way but for now its about you.
I am still concerned about you saying you have suicidal thoughts though - I know you said you wouldn't call The Samaritans but could you go and see the GP instead?
Buzz
You said you had a solicitor? what have they told you so far about the process of getting contact with Alex?
il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..
I have just caught up on all this.
CBM trust me it does get better - In your situation I would be feeling both angry and powerless as well. just keep focused on the fact that you want to win access to your wonderful son.
Sounds like your break up was not great, I would guess that both you and your ex are very angry at each other. If you don't mind me asking, How long ago was the split?
il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..
Excellent - you need to try to tell him/her exactly how your feeling and what you have gone through recently. Don't worry if it sounds like your moaning or ranting - it won't sound like it to them.
Check out this article on the site Chased by the black dog. Max is a friend of the site, he went through a different set of situations but I think emotionally was in a similar place to yourself.
il try make an appontment.. dont think it will help much.. just wish someone cud talk to her and make her see sence..
I often think this of my ex, the thing that keeps me sane is my son and how I feel about him.
Alex will keep you going and will i'm sure get you to the point of being able to reason with his mum.
This probably seems a long way off at the moment, but slowly it will come and you will be able to allow what she does and says to just go over your head, as already said there is clearly a lot of anger between the both of you and things seem very raw at the moment, time will allow that to settle and although the 2 of you will probably never really see eye to eye, you will be able to talk for the sake of Alex
we broke up 5 days after he was born.. hes now 5 weeks old
this really is very raw at the moment, it will get better.
I have made such a big step by talking about how you feel, and how it has effected you.
the more you talk the better you will feel.
does it feel better to have got this off your chest?
Tell us more about your self,
how old are you, what interest do you have?
we are here to talk about worries and troubles, but we are also pretty good at talking about random stuff too
im gonna put you all in the picture.. ill upload an email from her,.,
This is what she sent to me...
On a mature level i will only be sending you this once and you will have to respect my wishes.
Your angry because your keeping things built up inside you is not my concern the only concern that i have is making sure that not only is our alex happy but also myself.
I am not happy with you and i am alot happier on my own i told you this before.
Beofore i got with you you knew what i had gone through all the arguments and fights and all the controlling and demands that Mr XX gave me.
Your doing the same [censored].
You do not love me you cant love me, for you to have done what you did.
Yes i read what u did on facebook but what was said was when you dumped me - remember when i said that your work collegues couldnt come to the home alex lives at when i dont know them. Also when i told you my mum will not live around you.I will not put her behind you she is the woman who gave birth to me and my arguments with my family are not yours so i dont know why you take it apon yourself to try tell me she cant come into my home unless its convient for you.
You slagged me off telling the whole world that i was a prosititute a druggy and a criminal and your gonna drag me threw the courts kicking and screaming. And you want me to trust you.
You think that after reading that im gonna forgive you.
I told you before when you told your friends what i done do not be discussing my past with anyone yet again you did.
I can not forgive you for that and to be honest your lucky i even let you see alex for what you done.
So yes i did read what you put on facebook and yes i did see the websites for single parrents you didnt exactly wait long did you.
Thats the last thing that should of been on your mind after we split.. Your just the same as every bloke.
I thought you was diffrent.
Yes we have a child together im not deniying that i fully acknowledge that we have a son and that is all we have.You are my sons father nothing more and nothing less I dont care if you signed up to meet anyone or talk to anyone its non of my concern what you do from now on nor is it anything to do with you about me.
I will not bring random men into our sons life so no he will not be raised by anyone other than myself i dont know what you take me for.
I am not stopping you from seeing alex ive said that from the start i never text you back yesterday because i left my phone at home and didnt get back till late.
I am sorry that you feel depressed and are feeling down but this is not my fault maybe you knwo how i was feeling when my boyfriend told me to kill another baby and the stress about ruining his life but on me and our unborn baby or maybe the dressing state the last 7 months of my life has been like.
You went online to make sense of no situation because the situation can not be made sense of.
Yes I did promise you that i would give him your surname but this was long before alex came along and you started your bullshit so things changed when you started to stress me out about not allowing me to have a say in what my son was called. I made a sugesztion and a compramise to name him just his second name but i couldnt even have that.You do not deserve to give him your name. I have every right to register my son without you and i have every right as his mother to do what i feel best.
I said that you can see bubba on sunday at the flat but i have not seen a reply.
Yes i did delete you off my facebook because your too f***ing nosey looking on my wall i dont look at your wall and weather or not i talk to Mr XX or not is non of your buisness its public not in my inbox so i have nthing to hide.
And if i chose to talk to him i shall im not bringin him into alexs life. Im not dropping my kniockers am i ? NO! But the same applys for me.. If you meet someone i cant say nothing.
And if i want to change my facebook name i can - No biggy! I know that your not going to walk out on alex i never said that you was.
I aint throwing away anything you threw it all away when you acted the way you did when i was pregnant during my pregnancy after my pregnany.
Demanding and ordering me and trying to control me and i must just let it all go your own way.
I dont need to go councilling with you theres nothing to be saved.
Alex is not going to be a confussed little boy, He will be a confident little boy who knows that he is well loved and cared for.I know your trying to be a father to your son i am not stopping you am i.
We said that we would sort out what days to come and see him and if im free then your welcome to come and see him.
Im not even sure why your even emailing me when you know its not gonna change [censored].. like i said before we see eachother becuse your alexs dad your welcome to come into the flat for a few hours on the days that were both free alex can not leave me untill his about 2yrs properly so until then we will have to be civil and get on.I aint intrested in making things work too much has happened. I didnt cheat on you, sign up to datin websites, slag you off or put you threw the [censored] you put me threw and all i did was try and make things wrk for alex.
Your mum can come and visit alex on one of the days that you come and visit him. Your mum and has not even phoned to see how he has been in nearly 3 weeks but they were quick to slag you off and kick you out but my mum takes you in and puts a roof over your head you saved hundred while being at my mums and all you had to do was pay half toward the shopping thats all but yet your tellin me you find my mum annoying and you hate her after what i went threw having been cut open and dealing with our son unwell under lights all you have to say is you really hate her. While i was suffering in a rank hostel you did nothing to put a roof over our heads you just banked on me gettin a place or id have to pay half of my savings for a deposit after you was working.
Made her feel uncomfortable in her own home... even made me feel quite uncomfortable. There alot more other [censored] that happned but its long id be here all day if that was the case. Any way allow it its done we have reachedthe climax of the relationship.
Just let me know when your coming to see him.
Ive got an appointment with the social in the week. Will need to start contribulting towards your son.
Alex is going threw a pack of nappys every 2 days and going threw 2 tubs of milk a week.
So will need you to start contributing or ill just go to the social and get it from them.You will also nee to start thinking about finding your own place in the future so when alex does get to the age to come spend the day with you or even the night you will need a fixed abode cant be having a baby stay with you in a one bedroom flat you share with your mate. But dont worry about it now just for future thought.
Anyway text me if your coming on sunday
Thanks