Hi,
I have been divorced for 2 years now, separated 3. I have 3 kids - 4,4,6
I am struggling because my ex wife controls me by making me feel bad if she doesn't do what she asks. For example, she has told me if I take the children to the new girlfriends' house, I am prioritising my relationship with my girlfriend (of a year) over my kids safety (because of covid). We have been in isolation for 3 weeks, not seen anyone etc etc.
She has also made me give her my new girlfriends contact details, address and if I didn't she wouldn't let me have the kids.
When I get the kids on Friday night, she insists on talking to the kids in the morning and evening on video cam for 10/15 mins. This invades my girlfriends privacy because we come to her house, and she hates that.
I sweat when I get these messages, its causing my Crohn's problems and also problems with my new gf.
Any advice?
hi,
yes a lot of exes become very controlling when it comes to kids. when your kids talk to their mum on video, can they do that in a bedroom for example, that way your partner does not have to hear about it or get irritated? if you don't have a court order, its better to try keep the peace, as things will get more hostile if legal route is taken.
I've tried giving them a room... But they just run out. It's not just that it's everything. She just won't leave me alone.
hi Limey, how does she contact you? If it's by phone, then get a cheap second phone, give her that number, and only switch it on, say, every couple of days. If it's by email, then same idea, get a second email address, and only check that occasionally.
If there's a court order, then she has no right to have your kids contact her when they are with you. If there is no order, then unfortunately, she does call the shots, so you need to decide whether you can find an acceptable compromise, or whether you go to court about it - however, because it's not about the level of contact, but more about the quality, then I'm not sure how this would go with a court. Ideally, you need to try to come to a compromise with your ex, so it may be worth going for mediation - something you'd need to do anyway before you go to court.
Your kids' safety is paramount, so communication is crucial.