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Long Distance Parenting

 
eric50
(@eric50)
New Member Registered

Hi,

Do any of you live far away from your children? My situation is moved down south so wife could be closer to her family. But I never settled and never really made any good mates.

We are now starting to seperate and all the dads I know are the husbands of my wifes friends. 

My support network of friends is back up in Manchester (mum and dad no longer around). Whenever I go visit them, it really helps take my mind of the awful 2 years leading up to us separating.

So I am now left with the choice of staying down south so I can see my kids more,  but have very limited support network, or move back to Manchester, but only see them every 2 weeks at the best (and holidays).

Sadly I dont think I am strong enough to go through all this on my own down south. And financially buying a 2 / 3 bed house is going to cripple me.

So I am sort of resigned to moving back up north, but the idea of not seeing my kids every day really hurts.

Does anyone do long distance parenting. Can you still be a dad but live 200 miles away. Or are you just a glorified uncle.

Am I making a big mistake thinking about moving away.

Any advice appreciated! No idea what to do and it is such a massive life changing decision that I am looking for help anywhere i can to guide me.

Cheers

 

 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 18/01/2022 11:29 am
fer17
(@fer17)
Trusted Member Registered

I know the feeling. Although my distance is not as far as yours. I moved away from my home town when I met my ex (she has a son from previous relationship and did not want to move him away from school/friends) so I moved here, it is about an hours drive for me to go back "home" if I did not have my two kids, I would have moved back with no question. But I could not bring myself to move away too far so I stayed close. I don't really have friends up here, I would go out with my ex's friends which isnt really an option any more. It can be lonely at times, but I go and visit my friends and family when I can, it's hard when my friends arrange an outing on a weekend I have my kids, but I can't expect them to change everything to accommodate me. 

The 200 mile distance could be quite an issue and restrict how often you see the kids. It is a tough decision to make. Have you looked at possibly dating again or joining some clubs to meet new people perhaps?

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Posted : 18/01/2022 1:31 pm
eric50 liked
eric50
(@eric50)
New Member Registered

Cheers fer17,

Thanks for responding.

I am looking into whether there are any clubs / groups I could join (looked at a few events / groups on Meetup).

And bloody hell yes I want to start dating again. I am sick of being on my own and not have anyone to plan date nights with or show any interest in me.

My world view can change. Sometimes I am calm with the idea of staying down south. Other times it really fills me with dread, as I worry how I will be when I am on my own. There is probably 1 person locally who I can call a mate, who actually is seperate to my wifes friends. To be fair I work with some decent people in London, and would probably have a beer with them after work once a week. But they have their own lives outside work.

I know I can have a bit more of a social life back in Manchester. I stress this is not about me wanting to go our partying. It is just being with people to take my mind off the negative stuff going on.  And it is about me becoming myself again, as the last 2 years I have lost a load of confidence, but whenever I am up in Manchester I feel like I am my old self.

Its crap. I am just waiting for something to happen that will convince me which option is the best and most sustainable.

 

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Topic starter Posted : 18/01/2022 1:42 pm
fer17
(@fer17)
Trusted Member Registered

I am the same, when I go back to my mates it feels like all my worries are gone and forgotten. Its just when you are home alone it starts creeping up. How often do you see you children at the moment? 

get yourself out there or on some dating sites and try and snap someone up. 

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Posted : 18/01/2022 4:08 pm
eric50
(@eric50)
New Member Registered

Still seeing them everyday. We live together and are just about to start working things out.

My wife doesn't work, and for a while has had no interest in going back to work. So we cannot afford to run two households as it is just my salary.

I am unsure how amicable or toxic things will get once we start talking about the practicalities of separation. I guess if it gets really toxic, friends start taking sides, that might be something which influences my decision.

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Topic starter Posted : 18/01/2022 4:20 pm
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