Never known my real dad
Not sure if this is the correct place to post.
My dad left when I was a baby and I’ve never met him , I’m in my 30s now and I often wonder why he has never contacted me. I’ve always thought should I contact him or why bother as he obviously doesn’t want to be in touch with me.
There are so many questions I’d love to ask him but so many I fear the answer. I’ve always thought if I was to contact him would it hurt my mother as she has never needed him and gave me the best upbringing I could possibly ask for but I did miss that father figure.
I’m sure there are many of use out there who have been in the same situation as myself and been thinking similar to me. I often ask myself why did he leave? Doesn’t he want to know me? Am I good enough?. I suppose I’m asking for any advice on we’re do I go from here or from anyone who has dealt with a similar situation.
Thanks for reading
I think you have nothing to lose by trying to reach out and contact him. you could try seek him out on social media platforms.
Thank you for sharing your situation on the forum. I can completely understand your situation, as my husband has been on a journey very similar to yours and I hope by sharing it with you it will encourage you.
My husband’s adopted father died in 2009 and in 2010 my mother in law told my hubby that he had an older birth sister. My husband had always been open about his adoptive status with me, but he said he always felt like part of the puzzle was missing. So after much consideration he had to go through adoption counselling as it was pre 1975, to discover if his birth mum was still alive. Sadly we discovered she had died in 2001 at a young age, BUT the amazing thing was my hubby’s birth sister found my husbands adoption records in amongst some stuff and hoped for 14 YEARS that her brother would look for her. She couldn’t look for him because of the way the system works. So, very long story short - my hubby looked on Facebook and managed to track her down , as he had a name and place of birth. We left a private message for her and on Boxing Day in 2014 my hubby had a message from her. I think I can say it was one of the best days of his life. He had his adoptive mums blessing and we now have a whole other family to get to know and enjoy. I want this testimony to encourage you. I would encourage you to try and tell your mum how you are feeling, perhaps it may be difficult for your mum initially to talk about, she may be happy to fill in some of the gaps for you. It maybe that your Dad had his reasons at the time not have contact but it’s the kind of situation that you need to be brave and use what information you have and take a leap of faith. Only you can make that choice, and if things work out and you can have a relationship that’s fantastic, if it’s not meant to be - at least you have tried. With the example of my husband, I think if he had done nothing with the information he had been given, he would still be wondering and feeling like someone was missing.
I really do wish you and your family well, please let us know how you get on if you decided to take the next step.
Warmest Regards, Parent Support Volunteer
@clarinet thank you for the reply. That’s great how your story worked out and I’m pleased for you and your husband. I suppose me not trying to contact him is maybe because what is he doesn’t want to know me . The rejection would be one I dnt think I could get my head around. If I had a kid I honestly couldn’t think how i could not be part of their life.
@averageguy hello, ah yes completely understand your fear of rejection. This is something that my husband too was concerned about but perhaps you could seek some counsel and be signposted to others who are in a similar situation to yourself. This may offer some reassurance for you. Take time, and all the best. 🙂
my personal opinion on this is to seek counselling to help you deal with your feelings, but absolutely try to regain contact - if you don't, you may regret that for the rest of your life. If the worst happens and you he does reject you (and I honestly doubt he would - you are now both adults), at least you know, and that has to be better than a life spent wondering.
thank you for the reply. That’s great how your story worked out and I’m pleased for you and your husband. I suppose me not trying to contact him is maybe because what is he doesn’t want to know me . The rejection would be one I dnt think I could get my head around. If I had a kid I honestly couldn’t think how i could not be part of their life.
We must change the consciousness of society. Fathers have low responsibility for children, so they don't worry about whether they have children or not.