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Separated for 6 months.... I want to try and make it work

 
ETJG
 ETJG
(@etjg)
New Member Registered

Hi, 

Long story short. My wife and I separated in February 2021 and I moved out back to my parents. We have been together nearly 10 years married just over 6. We have 2 children, daughter who is 6 and son who is 4, nearly 5. 

We had our issues, mostly down to me but we were both at fault at times. She said she had been unhappy for around 3 years, I listen but not really and mostly put it down to us being in a difficult time of our lives, young children, work busy, renovating house etc etc and I basically just said things will get better we just need to get through this period. 

September 2020 comes around and she basically said she doesn't love me and wants a divorce but we said we would work at it. She went into the spare room but we did not really do much to try and fix anything.

January 2021 we had a counselling session booked to start working through things however the night before she basically said that no matter what happens she did not want to be with me. I was "what's the point" and we started making arrangements for me to move out. 

Since I have moved out, contact with the children has not been an issue and I pay child maintenance at the calculator rate as well as half the mortgage - around £1,250 per month. At the time she was not working (which was a big issue for her) so she was on UC to begin with. She now has a full time job starting in September - which was always the plan for when both children would be in school and childcare would no longer be an issue. 

I feel like my life has fallen apart and sometimes wonder, what is the point anymore. 

Anyway we have been separated since February and for the past month or so I have been seeing somebody else. I don't see anything there, just more something to keep me busy if anything. I still have feelings for my wife, I have never not loved her. I do not know whether she has seen anybody else or done anything else with anybody, quite frankly, I do not want to know. 

I feel now that after almost 10 years it all seems to have been thrown away rather quickly and I would like to try and repair things. I am not implying that I move back next week but that perhaps we start to talk to each other, see each other and maybe possibly "start" dating again. I do not know if she would even entertain this but I think it is worth a go for the sake of a marriage and the children. 

Does anybody have any thoughts on this? Has anybody been in a similar position and tried to patch things up after a period of separation - did it work or not? 

Thank you

 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 26/08/2021 3:19 pm
Vik2001
(@Vik2001)
Estimable Member Registered

i think you should be telling your ex partner this. tell her how you feel and that you want to try again.  just be honest and see what comes out of it.

ask her to meet you once a week for a date, surprise her slowly. just dont be creepy about it and see what happens.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 27/08/2021 7:21 am
ETJG
 ETJG
(@etjg)
New Member Registered

Thank you for your reply. I have suggested to her that we attempt to try and make it work. I am not suggesting that I move in next week but that we simply talk, see and "date" and see what happens. I have also said to her that we should not let the kids know so we don't confuse them anymore about what is going on. 

 

So far her response is simply a state of shock as over the past 6 months I have not show to her any emotion that I miss her or anything like that. I understand that, I think it has just been my mechanism to shut down to try and deal with it. 

 

I do not think she will want to try and repair things, she seems content with the relationship being over. If I am honest, its killing me really. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 27/08/2021 9:09 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I would suggest that you see if you can persuade her to go to Relate or othr marriage counselling, really you both need this sorted out one way or another rather than be in limbo

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/08/2021 10:37 am
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