New relationship and being a parental figure
Hey all just wondering if someone has been through what I'm going through if not something similar.
I have just started seeing someone for the first time and we are both 26 we have been seeing each other for 7 months ( my first relationship ever I know late bloomer ). She is great she is passionate caring and understanding and we get along great when it comes to topics we don't agree apon we don't argue or yell we chat so to speak and if one of us has a question about each other's past we just do so in a polite manner.
She has a 9 year old son who is exactly like her.
What I struggle with is my thoughts.
Thoughts like am I good enough for them am I doing the right thing by going out with his mother and am I doing this because I don't want to be alone am I a good enough example for him as a parental figure I have asked my gf before and she said yes of course you are you are great.
So I know these are all just thoughts/doubts in my head the question is have you had the same thoughts and if so how did you or are you dealing with those intrusive negative thoughts.?
Any response will be greatly appreciated
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WHAT IS YOUR ROLE AS A STEP DAD?
Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your new relationship, I hope that things are continuing to go well for you both. May I suggest that with all new things, it can take time to settle down and to get to know a person, especially when they have a child. It reads that you are a considerate person, and it also reads that your girlfriend thinks this too. This is good! You are both communicating well together which is also a positive. There will be times when you will have disagreements, but this is normal of any relationship, especially when a family blends together. How you deal with conflict is important, because her son needs to know that despite any differences of opinion you may have, you can work through these times together and agree to disagree if you have to.
I think some of the thought processes you are having are natural, with it being your first relationship, and nothing wrong if it is your forever relationship either! It maybe that you are feeling anxious, or worried that because things are going so well, you wonder when the "bubble is going to burst" so to speak. It's ok to have feelings and experience emotions, but please talk about them if you need to, to someone whom you can trust. Sometimes thoughts and feelings lose their hold on us when we either write them down or speak them outloud. It gets the anxiety out of our minds and allows us to have positive memories of times we have enjoyed with our partner.
My partner has only had one relationship and that is with myself and nearly 32 years later we are still together and very happy. We have had ups and downs, but because we share the good and the hard times and allow for each others faults we are still together.
Perhaps as a practical suggestion, every time you feel a negative thought coming into your head, try to focus on a happy memory you have with your GF and her son. Keep a notebook, or photo frame with happy memories, so you can focus on that until the feeling passes.
I hope that you continue to both be happy together and that you are able to form a close and positive bond with your GF son too.
Best wishes, Spurgeons Parent Support
@clarinet thank you for your support it's actually really refreshing to have a site like this I forgot to add I am also on anti depressants and seeing a therapist so I think that has/had something to do with it.
Thank you again.👍
@brannondover of course your thoughts are normal. You are 26 and embarking in a life long journey. You are evidently a great person as people who do not care, do not worry about being a good dad to a little girl. I have been a step dad for over 30 years and I am 55 now. I have had your same thoughts and even ones that were harder to cope with. My suggestion is to move with the speed you feel the best with and no need to jump into anything. Remember that a few years are close to nothing in the economy of a lifetime. Allow yourself all the thoughts that come to mind, they will come and they will go and then new ones come. Always remember that thoughts are nothing more that thoughts and you do not need to act upon any of them so they can be and remain thoughts and nothing more. Doubts are your friends as they will allow you to think and examine all aspects of you and your life and relationship. Nothing can be worse than a life spent on the surface without exploring the reasons why you do what you do. Rely on the old folks like myself and smile as a loving family is a true gift. Godspeed and take care.