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[Solved] Son calling Mum's partner daddy!

 
needhelp83
(@needhelp83)
Trusted Member Registered

Hi
Looking for opinions please I'm a mother of a 6 year old boy me and his father split out about 5 years ago he does see his bio father. I've been with my partner for about 3 years my son gets on well with him and sees him has a father figure he sometimes refers to my partner has dad to other people, Me and my partner don't encourage him to do so but he does anyway he called my partner dad tonight I told him off for it, it's that right? Should I be letting my son call him dad?
Please help me

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Topic starter Posted : 17/10/2019 1:15 am
Bill337
(@bill337)
Famed Member

hi,

i think you should not let your son continue calling your new partner dad. he will only grow up confused and maybe become hostile to his real dad. there are some ex's out there that change the childrens names and brainwash them into calling their new partner dad. sickening. it will be difficult basically re-educating our children on these matters. my 6 year old thinks her mum is still my wife and asking why i don't live in same house as her. i dont think shes ready to hear the truth yet. worried i might destroy her world.

check out this old thread: https://www.dad.info/forum/relationships/30583-daughter-call-my-ex-s-partner-dad

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Posted : 17/10/2019 1:34 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

Are you on good terms with your ex? If you are, might be worth speaking to him about it - if he objects, then I would respect that, but it may be that if the relationship between your son and his father is strong, he may not worry about what you son calls your partner, as long as it is made clear what is what, and that your ex will always be his father.

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Posted : 17/10/2019 5:24 pm
needhelp83
(@needhelp83)
Trusted Member Registered

Hi Bill337

Thank you for your reply
No brainwashing is going off it's just my son thinks he's got 2 dad's because one of his school friends said "you have 2 dad's don't you"? and he said "yes I do have 2 dad's" since then he's been calling my partner dad too, me and my partner don't force him to call him dad, he's just been doing it himself, I haven't said anything because I didn't know if it's right or wrong

Must be tough for you I haven't experienced that because my son doesn't remember living with his real dad but it will be tough for her when she learns the truth bless her shows you must have a strong bond with you daughter

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Topic starter Posted : 18/10/2019 1:49 am
Bill337 liked
needhelp83
(@needhelp83)
Trusted Member Registered

Hi actd

Thanks for your reply
I don't feel like I could talk to him about this I think from experience that he would be upset and angry about our son calling my partner dad.

My partner does like to be called dad he doesn't force him he respects the fact that my son has a relationship with his father but he feels he does more and he derves to be called dad too.

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Topic starter Posted : 18/10/2019 1:54 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

In which case, is there another name your son could call your partner other than Dad - some "secret" name between the two of them, so that "Dad" is still his biological father, but your partner and son still have a special bond?

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Posted : 18/10/2019 4:47 pm
needhelp83
(@needhelp83)
Trusted Member Registered

Most of the time he calls him by his first name or super old man because he's 47 lol he refers to him has dad to strangers maybe he's not sure how to address him

Thanks for the secret name idea that is clever I think that would work

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Topic starter Posted : 18/10/2019 6:20 pm
Retjo
(@retjo)
New Member Registered

I think it’s nice he feels he has 2 dads and having an extra one it doesn’t take away from his bond with his bio dad.  However, you could talk to him about it and say it could get confusing (same as if they were both called Fred) ... My suggestion would be to see if there’s a word for dad in another language he could use for his step dad?  That way it still respects his bio dads ‘position’ so to speak but allows your boy to have his 2 dads.

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Posted : 30/03/2021 1:08 am
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