[Solved] Young step dad at an absolute loss.
So i'm engaged to an older woman with two 18 year olds, one has moved out (we get along ok) the other is here a couple of days a week, and i'm at a loss.
The age gap between them and I is the same as the one between me and her mother, but there are some emotional imaturity issues, i've tried the advice of her mum, and my own step-dad. We have mutual interests in a lot of things, but after a few years i still get death glares, no response when i talk to her, and a general lack of respect.
All of this has driven a wedge between us to the point that i don't feel welcome in our home when she is here, which as you can imagine is causing problems between me and my partner. I don't expect to be treated like "dad" but i'm out of ideas, and losing the ability to be patient, and as much as i am ashamed to admit it it's making it hard to keep caring.
I could use some advice from an outside perspective, and somewhere to vent.
It might be worth a call to Relate to get some relationship counselling, to see if you can resolve it that way.
I agree with the counseling step as well. Also you need to keep in mind is that steps aren't in the ideal situation and any respect shown to you could put them in a very conflicted space. Often steps will think any acceptance of you is a dis to their bio parent. You are going to have to give her space and let her know that you are not there to replace her dad, you are there to supplement their mom. When marriages happen at that age generally it's the bio parents place to take care of anything dealing with them. When my mom married my step dad he was very demanding of things and was also distant. He commanded me around and it pissed me off. I always thought "who the frick does this guy think he is? I't better to back off and let her come to you, and when she does don't piss her off by trying to act like her dad.