I am absolutely shocked. Judge has given the child arrangement order to the grandmother (mothers mother), as they're settled in school and they are stable in the judges opinion.
I have 3 children, 12, 5, 7, who live in Hampshire, and I reside in Berkshire, I've seen them monthly when I drive down for the day, as I don't have a property big enough I can't have them overnight. I've never been to prison, don't drink, don't take drugs. I have worked and paid child maintenance for 2 years, until I quit my job.
Mother met new boyfriend, they smoked cannabis and drunk daily, however social services and police said there was no proof. My 12 year old daughters word was not good enough for them, the boyfriend even threatened to smash my daughters face but nothing happened. The mother didn't care and uses bipolar and depression as an excuse for everything, her mother (53 year old grandmother) was aware of everything what was happening and didn't care at the time.
Only when there was a violent incident between the mother and boyfriend, and police got involved that the grandmother took the children for 2 weeks, but did not tell me about this incident. She applied for a child arrangement order when the mother demanded the children back, I only found out about this during the court case.
I do not have accommodation big enough to house everyone, however I filed for a child arrangement order myself, and I did mention that I would be able to get a bigger council property if the judge awarded the children to me.
But he decided to award them to the mothers mother, as in his opinion relocating the children would disrupt their lives, and as I had not been able to obtain a property within the whole year of the trial was considered that I could not provide for them. Just being their father, and my eldest daughter clearly stating she wanted to come and live with her father didn't matter, in his opinion.
What is the point in asking what the children want, if they do not intend to listen to the children. In my opinion children shouldn't live with their grandparents, only when absolutely necessary.
I am shocked,I have to post this, I can't get my head around, how a dad is willing to look after his children, but the courts deny him, because of disruption, and not currently having a property big enough. Also he thinks because I see them once a month for the day, he is not sure I would be able to take care of them everyday.
I would appreciate some opinions, am I missing something, are they really better off with a grandparent ?
Hi there
I can understand why this outcome has shocked you, but I do get where the judge is coming from.
Courts look at the whole picture when deciding what orders to make, the fact that you don’t have appropriate accommodation would have been an important consideration... The judge wasn’t prepared to leave that to chance, and place the children with you, prior to obtaining somewhere for you all to live...which I think is understandable.
Whilst the courts do listen to the wishes and feelings of children, that is weighed against any other welfare concerns, in this instance the judge must have felt that those concerns outweighed your daughters wishes. Has the court included a schedule of contact between you and the children in the order?
Perhaps you can work on the concerns the judge highlighted... don’t give up looking for a property for you all... as the judge mentioned the monthly contact, perhaps increase the time you spend with your children, maybe have one of them at a time for sleepovers each weekend... try and develop those areas that the judge felt were lacking and then have another attempt at having them with you.
Best of luck
Thanks for your reply.
The judge has said that visitations can be agreed between parties. If the children would have been awarded to me, I would have rented a property within a month, and even if I was not able to do that I would have been entitled to a council place because of overcrowding.
I am not sure he would have given them to me even if I did have a property, because he said I have no experience for caring for them long term.
The children don't want to live there with their grandmother, so why were they even asked? If no one is going to pay any attention.
If the children would have said "no we don't want to live with dad" that would have been the reason given for them residing with the grandmother, but as they said they do want to live with "dad", they over rule their wishes, because they are only children and they don't know what's best for them.