Hi Dads, I'm a single dad to a 16 year old daughter now living full time with myself.
She was until recently living with her mum and just visiting me, however in a dramatic bust up she left and came to live with me. The relationship between daughter/ mum/ nan is quite damaged and I'm helping my daughter get her life together and repair this.
I can be very focussed and single minded when I want to be, and have put all my effort into helping resolve this situation. Daughter is now doing better, and things are on track. However, I'm feeling burnt out and exhausted.
I'm tired guys! I now need to get my own life back togther. That's where I'm at right now.
If anyone can relate, it would be nice to get some solidarity. We don't really have a support network right now. It's just me and her.
I'm wondering how far away her mum is and whether she's had to change schools etc. Are there any local groups she can join such as both clubs or sports clubs? Sounds as though you both need an outside interest so you have something to talk about and meet other people. Perhaps she could do a Saturday job?
Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your care and commitment to your daughter. It is clear that you love her and your support at this important stage of her life, just by being there for her, will be making a real difference. You are a great Dad!
And yet, it is good that you are recognising your limitations - none of us has endless reserves of energy, so don't feel guilty trying to give yourself a bit of self-care (sleeping, eating, exercising, less screen time etc...). It is a positive step. As @Champagne suggests, maybe you and your daughter can chat about things you could each do to give yourselves some new things to do or new people to meet, and they don't need to be expensive. As the clocks change, and with the extra Bank Holidays coming up (assuming they are relevant to your line of work) hopefully it will get easier to do things like going for a walk or a cycle, or to sit outside with a cuppa and the paper. If you do feel you are struggling, please don't be afraid to reach out to your GP or other family members or friends. Don't try and do this completely on your own.
Looking forwards, try to find times to spend one to one with your daughter, whether over a meal, going for a walk, or just down-time at the end of the day. That will give you a chance to monitor how she is doing, and will make sure she knows there are times she can talk to you if there are things on her mind. Maybe aim for a once a week treat - going out for a coffee together or going to watch a film - whatever is manageable and enjoyable for you both. I hope for your daughter's sake, that her relationship with her Mum improves over time but this is not something you need to take on yourself. Just be ready to support and encourage your daughter in whatever way seems best.
Look after each other, and look after yourself.
I wish you well,
Parent Support Volunteer