Ok so the wicked witch (sorry that should of read my ex) refused to go for a consent order based on mediation. I wanted what we have been doing in that I have my boys every wednesday (movable if we both agree), every friday and every other saturday, I also want half the holidays. She told me in a phone call that I she cant let me have half the holdays as that would put me up a bracket for CMS so my maintenance would go down and she cant afford it. Now you see why I call her the wicked witch! Money is more important that her kids seeing their dad.
So I found a Mckenzie friend and I put in the court papers just over a week ago. I cant live without something concrete even if I get less days. I have also told her I no longer wish to speak on the phone to her, text email etc only. It took a couple of times but she has finally got the message.
I asked the wicked witch if she could give me a copy of their birth certficates or failing that a photograph of them. She hasnt said no but hasnt answered my 3 or 4 requests from 3 weeks ago. I have applied online for copies (£14 each)
Anyway I have come to realise that its all about control with the wicked witch. So I decided to excert some control myself. Firstly I contacted the school and they put me on joint first contact etc so that the wicked witch and myself are on equal footings in regard to emails etc, the school was excellent about it.
Then I contacted the doctors who were a little difficult but soon agreed after I went on about parental responsability and on birth certificate etc. The deal we ended up with was that I can phone them whenever i want and they will update me. I shall be phoning at the begining of every month from now on.
Then after a week I decided to contact the doctors again. One of my boys takes a daily tablet and I asked them to sort it so that I can pick up the tablets for the nights he is with me. They were resistant at first, usual stuff like we can only issue one prescription etc. I then said how does that sit with the law in that the wicked witch and I are on same legal footing etc and they agreed to split the prescription. The doctors asked me to inform the wicked witch. This didnt go down well, she banged on about issues with the new electronic system they have etc, I told her to take it up with them.
Yesterday I decided it was the dentist next. She has refused to give me the name of the dentist. I phoned NHS england and they say they dont have a list of who is registered where. They suggested ringing round the various dentist (it can be up to 30 miles radius from the wicked witches home) but then said there are GDPR issues. Well I have phoned all the local dentists (7) and they all said they werent registered there so they must be in the next town where there are 30ish dentists!!!!
So do I continued to phone and blag those dentists or is there a record somehwere where I can find out where they are registered.
Those that I cant blag into telling me if they are registered will get a letter with a copy of my ID and the boys birth certificates (which wont arrive until the end of the month).
Would my boys school or doctors have a record of who their dentists is, if they do it would be easy to get the information that way.
Is there anywhere else that would have a record of where they are registered. Its unbelievable that the NHS doesnt have a national register of who is registered for NHS dental treatment and where.
Once I have sorted out the dentist then the optician is next. Same question for opticians although I suspect this will be easy if there is a specsavers near the wicked with.
Hi there, sounds rough, and unfortunately familiar. In terms of wanting half the holidays with your kids, I'd definitely say go for it. How utterly selfish and greedy of the mother if her main objection to this is financial. After years of similarly being denied, I took the issue to court and my son now splits his holidays more or less equally (the mother feels that even though the order states they should be equally shared, 'her half' has to be bigger). To be fair though, her objection to equal sharing wasn't financial, though it was about control.
I had very similar difficulties re accessing Doctors etc, as she had an older child and a longer history with them, but it was included in the court order that she recognised I had equal rights to be involved in education and health matters. When she moved to a new area she was obligated to inform me of our son's medical details, and I was able to introduce myself from the get go. Similarly at his new school. More recently, I wanted to know where his dentist was - he's old enough now to tell me. I've long since accepted that his mother is unable to put her need to be in control below the need to work in partnership, so I've learned to choose my battles rather than to stress myself out on every single detail.
Getting a court order won't resolve everything if the mother chooses to carry on being a dickhead, but it will establish a written set of rules to follow or be in breach of.
i agree with Toks,
pick your battles carefully. i went to court to get overnights. doctors, opticians etc don't even cross my mind. these are minor issues. let the ex do the heavy lifting. besides when youer kids are with you, correct me if im wrong, but you can just get them registered at your local GP/dentist, optician??
also with court order, CMS will take that as gospel and your ex wont be able to dispute the number of nights the kids stay with you.