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Ex restricting access and manipulating CafCass

Active Member Registered

Hi all


My ex is aware that if she has my child most/all of the time then she will benefit financially. Ex keeps making up lies (new ones) and I keep proving against it but each time I have spoken to Cafcass they have called me a perpretator (slip of their tongue) and I haven't done anything negative to my ex or child. I was abused by my ex financially and emotionally for years. I feel so uneasy even seeing her but hide it to be a good dad. My ex gloats, smirks and very rude most times I see her and she enjoys the court room drama and very vindictive. I have a therapist and changed all of my bank cards to help move forward. Mental health is clean but ex is so manipulative and keep making up lies. When will the lies/manipulating stop having an effect on child access? It seems like there's no repercussions for such behaviour. I have not seen my child for months. Awaiting 3rd hearing but it's tearing me apart. Everyday I can't eat properly, cry, feel sick and I can't believe it. I don't know how anyone can be so cruel, selfish and inflict so much damage and seemingly enjoy it. I get a video call a week where I watch my child's bond with myself slowly evaporating. It feels like torture - now I am being emotionally abused by my ex legally by her making up lies, manipulating cafcass and it feels there is nothing I can do about it. Solicitor said do not accept supervised contact and ask for unsupervised as what is happening is so disproportionate but I feel like I have to jump the hurdles. Do I sit tight and keep asking for unsupervised contact or do I go to a contact centre (ex makes up lies about any other potential supervisor and says they are unacceptable) so this is the only option and prove there is no issues in a supervised setting to move up to unsupervised. For 1 year we had no problems with direct contact and now I have to prove myself when actual fact the abuser is the mother. How do i flip the script? Solicitor isn't making any decent gains in contact for months. Post-section 7 hearing is coming and I fear cafcass will speak to ex first again and then they will come over and start shouting at me, talking over me and being hostile like my last dialogue with them. As a victim of abuse having cafcass believe the emotionally abusive mother and then shout at the dad is so messed up. I work in a professional job that will be damaging for me to go to contact centre but I don't care anymore. I just want to see my child and my ex is ruining our lives. My child is 4. I see why many men give up. The effect on their mental health is so significant that I wonder how many suicides, fathers moving away or even running away because the mother is so manipulative, selfish and cruel. How can I make it stop 🙁

Topic starter Posted : 01/10/2023 4:59 pm
Richjmet79 reacted
Honorable Member

I feel for you and sadly this is a common occurrence.  The court process is very lengthy and stressful.  Would it help to talk with someone?  There is free counselling available in most areas either through the NHS or local charities.  There is also advice on how to interact with children on a video call.  You can google both and hopefully find some positive help

Posted : 02/10/2023 4:14 pm
Active Member Registered

Thanks champagne I appreciate that especially the video call interactions. I'll have a look tonight. I think i'll offer contact supervisor visits even though I haven't done anything then at least I can see my child rather than hoping the system is going to use common sense.

Topic starter Posted : 02/10/2023 6:48 pm
Illustrious Member


what is Cafcass position regarding child contact? have they made recommendation?

Posted : 05/10/2023 3:20 pm

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