Hi All,
I’m hoping someone can help me here!
I have three kids with my ex wife, two girls and a boy. A little under two weeks ago, I had to go and collect our eldest (a daughter) as she just didn’t want to be there anymore. While I was there, my ex wife was screaming at our youngest (who was playing up a bit) that if she “gave any [censored] going into school tomorrow morning, I’ll put you in psychiatric care”. This really upset our youngest (also daughter) and I took exception to it. We had a row where we both raised our voices and I left with our eldest. My ex wife has since been referred to social services for emotional abuse by our eldest daughters school.
Since then, our daughter has lived with me and had little contact with her mom until yesterday when they spoke over text and today when we went to my son’s football game. At the game, my ex wife, who I stayed well away from, was telling people that I am not legally allowed near her and that the police had told me that. I have had no contact from the police whatsoever. She has also told our daughter this. I haven’t contacted her since September, when I grew tired of her long abusive text messages and blocked her number, at the advice of police.
As I said, I have had no contact from the police at all. My question is - how can I combat this? I’m not a violent person and have never threatened her, but I’m being made out to be some sort of monster. I am trying to rise above it but it is honestly upsetting me that people are believing her lies, especially if she is saying this to our kids.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Many Thanks
Sorry to hear this.
my ex did similar, teachers/parents wouldn’t look at me and would speak about behind my back when collecting and dropping off at school.
you can’t change other people’s behaviour nor what other folk may think.
You can try and learn ways of dealing with it without allowing yourself to get upset.
Mankind are worth a chat with in respect to post separation abuse.
a non-mol application is an option but imo likely to cause stress and just ends up with the other party making allegations that require rebutting, and a time limited non-mol or in my case an undertaking (a promise to the court by ex not to behave in certain ways) - didn’t change her behaviour and was not worth the fight.
its so hard to do but not getting upset and continuing life doing what you feel to be right would be my advice.
taking action by logging incidents on the police non-urgency number is an idea, that way you have a record of events should things escalate.
shes likely to fall on her own sword (eventually) and children will vote with their feet.
Have you a support group? Friends, family etc talking to others helps
hopefully by not reacting she won’t get any satisfaction and look elsewhere for her cruel fun. People will get bored of listening to her if there’s no evidence and the children are happy to be with you.
sorry if post sounds preachy - hang in there
Hi,
Thanks for your reply.
To be fair, all teachers and parents are still speaking and treating me normally. I haven’t had any issues in that regard.
I had already blocked my ex to avoid abusive and controlling messages, I have now blocked her family too (a shame as I still got on with them quite well) as I just think it’s best we have nothing to do with each other except for the kids.
i am also recording everything and writing it all down, for my own sanity if nothing else. But obviously if I do need to refer to it in the future for any legal reasons, it’s there.
I have thought about a non-mol, but to be honest I don’t want to have to take such action against the mother of my children if I can help it, as ultimately they will suffer.
I do have a good family and friends around me, so am feeling better about things a few days later, but it isn’t nice to go through. I’m hoping she will get bored and we can both just stay away from each other, but we will see.
again, many thanks for your reply, greatly appreciated