Dad dot info
Free online course for separated parents
Forum - Ask questions. Get answers.
Free online course for separated parents
Notifications
Clear all

Hello new member need advice

 
Thebelfastboy
(@thebelfastboy)
New Member Registered

Hi all currently I've just registered on here looking some advice. 

Currently I have 2 children a boy and a girl. They are from 2 previous relationships. So obviously both have different mothers.

I take both of them together every Tuesday Thursday and one night at the weekend rotating between a Friday and Saturday. 

My boys mother is grand he is nearly 15 so don't really have much communication with her so it's all good there. 

My daughters mother I'm really struggling with. My daughter is 9 me an her mum separated in 2018. 

Since then I've always took my daughter 3 nights per week sometimes more and sometimes less if things need changed around etc. 

But ever since the separation she has always been unreliable when I'm bringing my daughter home. For instance over this summer holidays I've there's been a few times where I've tried to bring my daughter home on a Friday morning because I work and her mum hasn't been home for her which resulted in me sitting outside her house for an hour waiting on her coming home. She agreed for me to bring her home for me to go to work. 

I met a new parter nearly 2 years ago and asked my ex could I take my daughter on holiday this summer with my partner an her child also alot of other families there too. 

So me an my son went on we had out own room an everything so It was disappointing that she wouldn't allow her to go.

So because of her not allowing her to go o took my daughter for 5 nights just before going so i could spend some time with her before going on holiday. 

When I got back I took her the moment upon arriving home again it was last Wednesday night me an her mum agreed that she would come home again on Friday at 5pm and I would pick her up again Saturday morning as I was taking her away for 2 nights with just me an her an my son. When Friday came her mum blocked me and got my daughters grandmother to text me saying she wouldn't be home and to tell my daughter she would see her the next day even though she knew i was taking her away. 

This left me having to go an purchase clothes for my daughter to go away with me as she never gave me anything when sending her over on Wednesday (i provide child maintenance every month and also any time she is buying my daughter anything I give her half of the money)

So then Saturday came and that morning I just went on with my daughter to our 2 day trip. Her mum contacted me at 5.15pm that night saying I could call for clothes for her if I liked now as she was home. Obviously I didn't call as I already bought clothes an went on go the trip. 

Then on Monday morning I dropped my daughter back home and told her I wouldn't see her again until Thursday I'm currently not communicating with her mum after last weekend. 

When yesterday came I went over to pick up my daughter an her mum asked me what days I'm taking her this weekend I said I'm not as I'm busy this weekend her response was you can't not take her this weekend because you where away for 2 weeks an need to catch up on time with her  (even though I wanted to take her away with me and she refused)

I said no im not taking her this weekend and she said we'll she's not allowed to go with you now if you don't agree to taking her this weekend. At that point my daughter was crying because she loves spending time with me and me an her mum were getting a little heated at the door over this weekends contact so her mum told me no shes not going now and closed the door on my face so i then walked away so it's really hurting me the fact that my daughter was crying because she wasn't allowed to come with me. Her mum tried contacting me later that evening asking did I want to come back an get her I never replied I live at the other side of town and already gave her 3 opportunities to send her with me. She told me she told the child I was coming back for her after slamming the door in my face 

Did I make the right decision not going back I'm really struggling with it. 

Also I'm always in fear everytime I've got my daughter that I'm gonna struggle getting her home again as I've been let down lots of times.

How do i deal with this?

Also I'm always being contacted by her when it's my time with the child she always rings to speak to her. 

How do i deal with this?

And even when it's not my time with my daughter she contacts me at morning time to bring her to school regularly 

How do I deal with this as she always says things like the child doesn't want to walk to school as she doesn't drive. 

 

I know it's alot but just looking some general advice on how to deal with her 

 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 29/07/2022 10:46 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Its a shame that after all this time these difficulties have arisen.  Its best to keep it out of court if you can so perhaps you could try to agree something with your ex along the lines of 2 weeks holiday in the summer, alternate Christmas etc which is what the court would most likely order anyway.  You could try mediation which you would need to do before applying to court for a formal order.  Explain to your ex that its causing upset for your daughter and that its in her best interest for you to be civil to each other.  You can restrict calls to one at bedtime but ask your daughter what she would like.  You could set this out in a letter to your ex perhaps so she has time to think about it.  When you have your daughter in school time, perhaps you could drop her back to school.  You might need to stop driving your daughter to school but there could be a reason why she doesn't like to walk so discuss this with her.  She's an age where she will understand that you might find it difficult to drive her with work commitments. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 29/07/2022 1:05 pm
Thebelfastboy
(@thebelfastboy)
New Member Registered

@champagne hi thanks for the advice. The thing is my ex is very unreasonable and It seems like its her way or no way. She makes me feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough. And disagrees with nearly everything I say. She also agrees to times for drop off an is nearly always an hour or 2 late it's just frustrating. I'll try an seek some advice on mediation but I doubt her mum will agree as it seems to me she likes everything on her terms. To the point she is trying to tell me when my partner can call and how long for whilst my daughter is here an I feel like that's none of her business considering I'm with my partner almost 2 years now. 

 

 

 

 

But I appreciate you advice and will look at mediation

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 29/07/2022 1:30 pm
jamesgwyther
(@jamesgwyther)
Eminent Member Registered

Hello my friend.....I feel for your situation. I have friends in similar circumstances.

Unfortunately I feel maybe you have to suck it up and suck up to the mum, in order to still see your daughter regularly.

Otherwise it could end badly and it is easy for mums to slag the dad off and that could ruin your relationship with your daughter.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 03/08/2022 8:55 am
fredrik1
(@fredrik1)
New Member Registered

Thanks, everyone, I am also new here and learning a lot from this community:)

ReplyQuote
Posted : 04/08/2022 11:55 am
Share:

Pin It on Pinterest