The first reaction from the girls mum when trouble is caused, is of satisfaction and to report me to the CSA for the girls not spending time with me. My youngestest, along with her age, being 14, is going through the same and has stormed out of my house on my weekend for no reason other than my talking about recent behaviours (for the second time in recent months) and now wont respond to me.
My daughters wellbeing and safety have always be paramount to me and yet i have never brought their mums behavior up, even after what my daughters have told me yet the system appears geared up to be on the side of mum and what ever she says in the truth!
Where do i turn for help on this type of cohersive behaviour? I didnt know the word narcistic unitl the girls mum and me broke up and now after mum having me financially investigated for CSA her only comment is she doesnt car about the money, she just wants to control me - this has been going on for ten years and although i always think and try to do the right thing i am stumped on where i can take this.
Any pointers would be appritiated
hi,
do you have a court order in place? how old are the kids?
Hi @bill337
3 children
When i ended up taking this to court several years ago, the damage had just started with the eldest and Cafcass, even though she was only 15, said, she would vote with her feet and six years later i have had very little contact with her other than when she has needed help or has wanted to speak (rare occasions)
This set the scene, and as the judge descibed our family based arrangement as sensible, she enndorsed what i have set out with regards time spent with both parents was good.
Problem is, i have always done everyhing in the best interest of the children, and this includes keeping quite and not creating whereas the girls mum has proven herself to be nacistic and yet her word has been taken as how it must be, and therefore they may have only gotton one side to the stories. I dont say a great deal on the matter as i dont want to further damage the relationship my girls have we me (a fun loving relationship)
A few years ago, a scene was created with my girlfriend at the time and i had to involve the police - this resulted in the girls mum saing several untruths to my middle girl and i have had very limited contact with her since.
Again i have hoped the truth would be seen and my missle girl would start to see me - hasnt happend.
Now my youngest at 14, has started to play up - primarilty because theri mum is out with boyfriends all the time and has very little time for them, giving them whet they see as freedom. Me on the other hand, am quite routine based and dont agree with my 14 year old being out late particully on school nights and this has resulted in her playing games, unknowling with mum and attempting the same with me and whaen i have questioned, she has ranted and stormed off - thsi is all due to both our parentaly authority being underminded by their mum.
Too much to write really but i guess this give a flavour.
I am aware going to court due to thei mum breaking the agreement is one and possibly the only step to get Cafcass involved and attmept to sort the situaton out and maybe i have sat on this too long hoping matter would change as i still dont get it. With the CSA involved, my ex was awarded some monies and then made it clear in writing, she wasnt interseted in the money and just wanted to have controll over me. The problem now, is im paying for my child that have been coached, and allainated from me for no reason, and as my youngest reaches the similar age, it guts me to think i we may be seperated in the same manner when all i want to do is see and spend time with my kids.
almost 10 years i have lived with this nasty situation since we broke up!
Hope thi shelps answer you question
Thanks
Mark
@mtp must be very tough. children have divided loyalties in these situations, and most would tend to favour the home where rules are relaxed. issue is because the kids are teenagers, courts can not make them spend time with you, and they can decide of their own free will. if you have any phone contact, suggest try to keep contact with them and give them some time and see if they reach out to you.
Hi @bill337 - my middle name is patience and plenty of time with minimal contact has occurred with the older two. My other concern is that the girls are being coached / alienated and yet I’m then penalised by the CSA for not seeing the kids I’m desperate and love spending time with - how do i deal with this if the other parent is undermining the relationships and being then given more monies? the entire system appears broken.
Hi @bill337 did you have any other advice for his situation?