STILL IN SHOCK
Married for 7 years and have three rugrats. 3, 2, and 1 years old. i was a stay at home dad during the daytime while she worked, and i worked at night.
Besides being total opposites of one another, i really had and have alot of love for her. Friends and as a romantic partners. I thought she viewed me the same way, and we would maturely be able to help raise these kids co parenting style. long story short, the reasons why she wanted to get a divorce was of two huge contributing factors.
i smoked legal cannabis and illegal weed for years and lied about it to her. never was a problem for me to be a good loving parent or a functioning adult. i used it to help me medicinally. after she demanded i no longer smoke, i suggested smoking legal delta 8 products as compromise. Any form of smoking was prohibited. i was wrong to continue to lie to her and smoke behind her back. She drug tested me at least 3 times, and after several times of finding my stash or my pens, ect. she would throw them away ($1000s) and lose all trust in me again as a human being. that's the main reason or marriage fell apart.
2nd reason was after we had kids... she discovered that i really am impatient as a first time father. i learned with guilt... yelling at kids. that guilt feeling still lives with me today. i wish i could go back and not have been so demanding towards toddlers or babies even. NEVER did i once get close to child abuse or anything of that punishment. those kids seemed to love me and have a blast with me being their dad! I grew up with all 3 boys as siblings and she grew up with 5 sisters.... so there was a difference in the way we were both raised when it comes to the tone of yelling from our dads. i was quick to threat with a whooping to my kids or yell with base in my voice and that did not fly with her. i really pray that for all the time she has with my kids that she will discipline them in some way so they're not sent out into the adult life expecting the world to revolve around them and their needs!!
i switched jobs and now work in the daytime hours to be home with the kids. But these past two months i have moved out and been living on my own.
we agreed it was time to divorce, but the contract agreement that she created, heavily favored in her favor.
i have to take anger management classes, parenting classes on how to be a good dad, and pass a drug test just before i am allowed to get the rights to the contract we both signed to keep us out of the court fees!!
I can visit her and the kids with notice on holidays and birthdays for the kids. She has them 300 days of the year, as to my small amount of 65 days.
She gets child support from me each month $1700.
really dont feel like any of this is right, maybe i am going insane but im here on this forum telling a quick story. maybe somebody will take the time to not only read this above, but also help me in some guidance! pleaee and thank you
a desperate father who wants to see his kids
hi,
with courts the most common arrangement is dad sees kids, fri-sun every other weekend. that works out to be 48 days a year. I think the problem is if you apply to court, then very likely they will order you to take regular drug tests, and theres risk you see kids less than 65 days a year. the children are very young. what if you wait another year, then propose to have the kids a few days more? if it's going nowhere then you can try mediation. failing that, you can apply to court as a last resort. you could seek a 50/50 arrangement but I think it will be difficult to achieve if theres any safeguarding concerns.
if your concerned about high legal costs, you could learn how to go pro se/self-represent. theres many groups that give advice about self representing in courts, by state. can check here:
You might find the guidebooks on the advicenow.org.uk website helpful. Just a thought, are you based in the UK as you're figures are in $