Hi all
Thank you for letting me join.
My head is all over the place. I’d love your opinions and points of view, it may help me with choices I have to make as right now, mentally I’m in a bad place, distraught is the word. I’ll be as brief as I can…
I was married for 7 years. We have 2 boys together, aged 13 & 10, Divorced in 2013. In 2014 I met someone else and we have a 4 year old boy together. Since 2016 I have had 50/50 custody of my older boys. They live with us a week on week off. My ex has been with her current fella for 1 year. She’s decided to move 2 hours away from us and wants to take the boys. The boys have told their mum they don’t want to go and my eldest has flat out refused. They want to live with me. She said she’ll move without them in 3 weeks. They’re so upset about her leaving but more upset at the thought of leaving me. They have there whole lives here and extended family etc. Where their mum wants to move they have no one apart from the new fella (who is 13 years her junior and has no experience with kids). My first instinct is to let them live with me, why wouldn’t I. However my current partner has basically said she has no loving maternal instinct towards them (although she likes them) and that if they move in full time she will move out with my youngest son as she doesn’t want to be a full time step mum. I feel distraught at having to choose. Also I have had my second spinal surgery in 18 months only 5 weeks ago and still recovering. My mum has advanced dementia and 10 days ago she had a massive stroke. The hospital say she only has a month left at most. My brother is on palliative care as he’s ill too. I feel my world is falling down around me. I want to do the best for my kids, but I’m scared I won’t manage or I will hurt myself again in the process and they will have to move with their mum. If that happens I will be on my own as my mrs would have already moved out.
what are your thoughts guys….
thanks
If mentally you feel at Crisis point - get booked into the GPs ASAP - you need to talk to a professional and they will signpost you to somewhere suitable.
I feel for you mate , current partner saying it's me or your kids , is an horrendous situation to be in, tough call , ultimately one only you can make.
hi,
if I was in your shoes, I don't think I would turn the kids away and would be happy to have them move in. it's a shame your partner is not on the same page. if you haven't done so, you could have a discussion with her. maybe she is under impression that she will become full-time carer for your kids, and cleaning up after them. can let her know this will not be the case. a teenager and a 10 year old are pretty self-reliant. ultimately its your call. if the kids move 2 hours away and you will find it very difficult to travel there to see them, then maybe it's better for them to move in. if your ex wants to move out, do you have some idea of how far she will move away?
@harveybdac thanks. I shall do my best with this decision. I’m trying to think practically rather than emotionally. Even if the kids don’t want to go with their mum maybe they will be better off with her. I don’t know
@bill337 I’ve spoken to my current partner. She knows I won’t just lumber her with the caring of the kids. She says she knows this but just can’t see her future being a full time ‘step mum’. If she moved away it would be in the same city, about 15 minutes away probably. Im fearful of being lonely, and also if something happens to me then the kids would have to go to their mum and I would be completely alone
You're being placed in an impossible situation. Can you get some counselling sessions to talk it through. If money is tight the NHS have some support services. Google it or ask your doctor to refer you urgently.
@champagne thanks for your words. I spoke to my GP this morning and they will be making that referral for me straight away. My 10 year old school contacted me this morning saying he broke down to a teacher today and blames himself for this situation. I feel so bad for my kids and that I’m not helping their situation by being indecisive