Hello all. I had to flee from the marital home as my wife assaulted me last year. I think she contacted the police and they contacted me. I talked to them and decided to seek advice from Mensaid. I currently live with my mother and resigned from my employment to get my head together. I applied for a Non Mol and an Occupation Order as the marital home is on my name only. The non mol was awarded and she represented herself and did not submit her side of the case in time. But not the OO and the final hearing was set for August last year. My wife and I do not communicate directly. I see my 9 year old son one day a week and also one night every other weekend. We split the holidays and I pick him up one day a week after a club and take him back to the marital home .
My wife attended a voluntary interview with the police for the assault on me, harassment and assaulting our son. No further action was taken. I then made a formal statement to the police and the CPS are currently reviewing whether to prosecute her for ABH and breach of the non mol as she liked some of my tweets and we should only communicate with me about our son's welfare. Unbelievably she was referred for DV support whilst I was not. She has also made allegations that I have sexually assaulted her which are completely untrue.
She failed to attend the Final Hearing last year and my application for an extension of the Non Mol and OO were awarded in my favour. From September to October we tried to serve the orders on her personally unsuccessfully and had to return to court to get permission to serve it on her via email which was granted giving her 10 days to vacate the marital home permanently. She appealed the orders and pleaded ignorance for her non attendance as she is LIP. Amazingly both orders were set aside allowing her to stay in the marital home that I own with my son. I also applied for for live in care for my son as she is a binge drinker and has a criminal record for drinking driving with my son and in 1999 possession of cocaine. Our hearing was at the end of last year. I applied for live in care with her seeing our son every other week on the undertaking that she has not drunk or taken drugs in a safe environment . It was agreed she would have a hair strand test and a blood test to assess her alcohol intake. I had to bear the cost of this. She was assessed for the previous six months and passed both tests.
As I have retrained now I do not have an income yet. I do not pay her any money except for £25 per month for our son. I still pay for the utilities, broadband and Netflix. I own an investment property as well and the rent supports me. Both my properties are mortgage free. I still live with my mother.
My wife also owns a property which she rents out. I do not think she declares this. Should I report her to the HMRC? I do not know what she does with the rent money.
So our final hearing is very soon. What are my chances now of getting a further Non Mol and the Occupation Order awarded in my favour? We have been interviewed by CAFCASS and they have recommended that I see my son more often. I would like alternate weeks.
We also applied for police records. I do not have any convictions but as she does. She also has a daughter but we have not spoken since last year and I am worried my wife might alienate my son in the same way.
I am in a much better position to look after our son emotionally and financially but what are my chances?
Our final hearing is set for two days next month. We also have the Children Act hearing in June and our first financial hearing at the end of April. Is she entitled financially to any of the marital home? What about my pensions? I have always paid for every thing and the property is in my name. She could get a new full time job and rent or go and live with her mother who lives 13 miles away. I have room for my son and am a much more capable parent so I will continue with my application.
We have been married for 11 years and separated for 1 year.
This is dragging on and it is very stressful. Has anyone been through similar?
I'm sorry its dragging out so much which makes it even more stressful. I would imagine she is entitled to some of the marital home and also your pension as you've been married for some time. However, if you need the home for your son then that might make a difference. However, she owns a property and the value of that will be taken into account. Its all quite tricky and you probably need some legal advice on the financial side
Thank you Champagne. Yes we both own a property each that we rent out. I have a solicitor . She does not. She gave up full time work in 2015 and 'looked after' the children. I still did everything. I cannot see how she can justify getting a penny from me.
@thetruthwonthurt to be honest, I would ask for and act on the advice of your solicitor as this is quite complicate financially. I would certainly ask about whether to report her to HMRC, my opinion (and it's only that) is that if HMRC don't know about it, then neither would CMS if it goes to them, and it could be useful in the future that they do depending on what happens. Also, if there's a pending HMRC investigation against her for tax evasion, what does that say in court about her honesty in other matters. As I said, though, get advice from your solicitor in case there's a reason not to report her.
Solicitor advised I should let her know in advance before I report her. Have not heard from the police either as to whether they are going to charge her for assaulting me. How long does that take?
What happens when the current Non Mol expires?
The process is so tedious and in the meantime she is living in my house.
Hi, it's a shame it's dragged on so long.
Have you spoken to the police recently? What have they advised? What have mensaid advised?
Re the Non Mol what has your solicitor advised? You are able to apply for an extension especially if the matter is still ongoing with the police, but again your solicitor can advise.
All the best.
It can take months before you will know whether the police will take action. The evidence goes to the CPS for a decision and there is a long backlog. It is possible to apply to have the non mol extended, particularly if there have been any breaches or there is any other compelling reason. Its a form FL403 and you can download it from the www.gov.uk website
I have just communicated with my solicitor and he has recommended that we apply to extend the Non Mol without notice. However, there is a possibility that the hearing next month may not happen until a child order has been made.which won't be until June. My Solicitor is recommending that we object and ask to go ahead. Also I still have some personal possessions I would like . I have a key to my home. Would it be ok to go in when she is at work? Solicitor cannot see a problem with this.
I am living a complete nightmare even though she has been abusing me physically, emotionally and financially throughout our marriage. Should I stop paying for all the utilities now as it seems like she will be there for a good few months now?
Whilst legally you can go to the house, could you get a third party to engage with her and agree when you could go round? As you have court hearings for these matters outstanding, what is the solicitors view as to how a court would view you just pooping round whilst an Occupation hearing is pending?
In relation to the utilities, it all depends on whether if you stop paying them you could make your ex even less amicable and therefore result in issues re seeing any kids, possessions, property etc.. However, if you can't afford to pay them then by all means stop.
All the best.
Thanks @Daddyup. I do not think she would be agreeable to me going there in her absence and we do not have any mutual friends. My friends were her friends so they would support me I guess. She did/does not really have any friends. Hence me just wanting to go there when she is at work.
I can afford it all. It is just frustrating to be paying for her to live there when it is my house. The system is very unjust.
Living with my mother is very restrictive.....
Although there may not be any restrictions on you going to the house, you could put yourself in a difficult position. Will she accuse you of taking her things for example? Would she bag them up and leave them for you to pick up? If the utilities are in your name and you stop paying that could affect your credit rating. Can you get them transferred to her? What does the solicitor advise?
Thank you for your advice @Champagne. Her credit rating is incredibly bad as I looked after all the finances for the home so you could be right. I just don't want to pay for anything when I do not live there. The hearing for the OO is definitely not happening next month. It is now in the Summer. At this rate she could be in the house for for the rest of this year. How fair is this system? It makes no sense to me when it is my home. I think I will ask my solicitor to write to her to bag my possessions. My concern is that the longer this drags on the less likely I will succeed with my OO and CAO application. It is laughable when it was her who assaulted me and the courts refused an exparte. OO application which has allowed her to stay put.