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Son does not want to see me

 
(@aaftab-mughal)
Eminent Member Registered

Hi guys. I don’t know what section to post this in. 

I have a contact order where I can see my some every other weekend and half school holidays.my sons mother has always tried to make contact very difficult and even more so during the the lock down last year and this year. Normally I’d pick my son up from school on a Friday and drop him back to school on Monday morning. My son started grammar school last September and from then on he wanted me to drop him back home on Sunday at 3pm because he had “homework” to do. So I did that. During the Feb half term he didn’t want to see me so I missed that contact. When I did see him I asked him why he didn’t wanna see me and he said I just didn’t. Same thing happened during the May school holidays. I went to pick him up after school the Friday just gone and again he said he didn’t want to come with me. I asked him why and again he didn’t answer me and said he wanted to go home. 

I don’t know what to do. I spend over 12k in court costs to get a contact order as his mother didn’t want me to have any contact. She wants all communication done via email. No phone calls or texts. I can’t afford any more court costs. I’ve tried to talk to my son but he won’t even sit in the car with me. I know his mother alienated my son against me.

 On my birthday he normally would spend the night with me but said he wanted to go home at 5pm after catting the cake! 

what can I do? He said it’s up to him now when he comes and goes. I will never force or pressure him to see me but i feel I have lost him. His mother hates me and my parents. My parents even went to see him after school one day and he was very cold with them as well and said he was running late going home. 

what do I do? My parents aren’t helping me as they think I can wave a magic wand and make everything better. 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 20/06/2021 3:38 pm
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

How old is he? I imagine he is at an age where he can decide?

 

We all worry as children get older they decide to focus on other things that they believe are important (unless there is alienation happening) such as school friends, clubs, travel, activities etc.

In between scheduled contact what happens? Do you do video calls or message each other to communicate and keep and build the relationship? If you don't I would suggest trying this as it can be difficult for a child to just switch on to seeing you as scheduled and then switch off on return..

No point incurring court costs as if child is now of age to decide the court will listen to him and you will struggle to get a court to order him to see you.

Also are there any activities that he likes to do that you can do with him? Travel, online gaming, sports etc to help build the relationship. Is there a possibility your family could be overwhelming him which makes him reluctant to come? 

You have to remember, when a child is young their world is limited and so seeing you is exciting, as they get older their world expands and other things become exciting too and they form interests etc which around school there is limited time to explore and engage with. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 20/06/2021 10:24 pm
(@aaftab-mughal)
Eminent Member Registered

@Daddyup hi. Thank you for your reply. He’s 12 years old, will be 13 in October. There is no phone or FaceTime contact with my son when I don’t have him. If I call his mother to talk to my son she never answers. If I email her to ask my son to call me, she says I’ll pass on your request or he will call you when it’s convenient for him. But I’ve met had a phone call. I even bought him a pay as you go phone but he returned it at the next contact contact because his mum didn’t want they phone in her home. When I saw him last he didn’t even want a lift home (it was raining badly) he’s rather walk home with his friends which is understandable. I’ve only seen him 4 times since the start of year. 

My parents aren’t helping. They want me to talk to my solicitor etc. I know that’s not gonna help. 

I feel so empty. I know his mother has been conditioning him against me. 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 21/06/2021 8:54 am
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

When are you next due to see him? Any chance on an existing tablet/ipad you get him set up on Skype so that you guys can do video calls/instant messaging...

Is there anything he enjoys that you can engage with him on? Sports? Football? Travel? (organise a break away for the 2 of you)...

Unfortunately if he isn't engaging then your only option is to speak to a solicitor but the outcomes are limited due to his age.. Even if there has been alienation it is soo difficult and costly to prove... 

Some fathers have resorted to giving space for a while and just sending cards/letters on a regular basis until child is ready..

Have you spoken to his school to see how he is doing there? 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21/06/2021 11:43 am
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