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[Solved] Can Long Distance Parenting work

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UKdad1975
(@UKdad1975)
New Member Registered

Hi Guys

I have a 6 year old daughter who lives with her mum.

I currently live in the same town as them but am considering a long distance move to be near my extended family as I have none where I am. This would mean I was approx. 4 hour drive from my daughter. I also feel that I need to do something as my ex and I have never really "split" in the true sense and spend far too much time with each other (no we couldn't get back together before anyone asks !)

My question is this. Can distance parenting work and is anyone (dads especially) in that situation at the moment and could give me personal experience of it. Was thinking I would travel back up once a month and also have my darling daughter a lot of school holidays.

Any advice is appreciated as confused.com at the moment !!

Thanks

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 13/12/2015 11:11 pm
MR SLIM
(@MR SLIM)
Noble Member Registered

I live 5 hours from my family and considered moving back but when I thought about the 10 hour drive to pick my daughter up I thought it wouldn't be fair on me or my Girl then another 10 hour round trip would of killed me to drop her off.

In the end I only moved 15 miles away and that was just enough distance from my ex so I'm happy with the way things are I actually do it the other way round now and travel up there with my girl once a month and it works quite well.

I just think I'd be screw balled if there was an emergency even 15 miles is hard and I've had 4-5 emergencies so far I couldn't bear it being 5 hours away. I've seen plenty of dads who have huge distances to cover when they pick their kids up and most said it's tough going.

Sometimes I do struggle when I've got my girl and I'm ill or something so it is nice having the ex not that far away and I can drop my girl off or she will come and pick her up.

I do miss my family and it's hard them not seeing my daughter that often but being there for my girl over rides all that.

All the best

Slim 🙂

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Posted : 14/12/2015 2:34 am
Mojo
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

Sometimes a long distance move can't be helped and there are a number of dads here that are in that position, I hope they will offer their experiences.

I think it can work but its not ideal. If you have a good relationship with the mother, that would help to make it work, plenty of face time and Skype and chats on the phone.

The travelling time is the biggest problem and the cost...if you intended to travel back and forth with your daughter she would find a long trip tiring and of course it eats into the actual time you would have together.

I've deleted the other two duplicate posts, it's always best to keep it to the one thread, otherwise it can get confusing for members and the replies may be fragmented. 🙂

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Posted : 14/12/2015 3:29 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I did a 400 mile round trip to see my children twice a month in the early days, and it was hard work, and I was fortunate that bad weather never intervened in the 2 years I did it for. I suppose the question is, if you moved back, how often would you see your extended family? If it was only once every couple of weeks, then you may as well stay where you are and travel the distance to see your family, and see your daughter as often as possible now - it's time you can't get back later if you miss out now, and moving away may spoil the relationship you have with your daughter and your ex, who presumably knows you are around if she needs you in an emergency, but if you move away, then she may start to rely on (and confide in) someone else.

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Posted : 16/12/2015 10:43 pm
MR SLIM
(@MR SLIM)
Noble Member Registered

I miss my daughter like crazy from when I drop her off monday morning until friday teatime when I pick her up, wednesday is the worst I couldn't imagine seeing her once a month it would kill me

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/12/2015 10:54 pm
UKdad1975
(@UKdad1975)
New Member Registered

Hi Guys

I do totally agree that I would miss my daughter like crazy but at the same I am really unhappy in my current life. I am so lonely and unhappy and feel that I do need a fresh start. I not being naïve enough to think my extended family would be there for me every single day of the week but it would be more than I have at the moment. + I would make every effort to make a circle of friends as well, something I don't have at the moment.

I am thinking along the lines of making the time I would then have with my daughter be "quality rather than quantity"

I also feel that if I was not so near my ex I may have more of life without looking over my shoulder all of the time.

I hope that I am not trying to convince myself, as I know it would be very hard to be so far from my darling daughter but feel I have to do something.

It would be good to hear from dads where it does work, as it is understandable all one sided at the moment.

Thanks in advance

xx

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 16/12/2015 11:35 pm
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

Would it be worth talking it through with your ex - and then both of you with your daughter to see how they feel about it?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 16/12/2015 11:58 pm
MR SLIM
(@MR SLIM)
Noble Member Registered

I'm in the same boat all my family are 250 miles away and I'm lonely as hell I don't go out or socialise much hardly ever really my ex does get on my tits but I have to work with her for the sake of my daughter she phones me every day 2 or 3 times as she really relies on me now.

Everyone keeps saying I need to get out more make new friends ect but to be honest my only focus is seeing my daughter I suppose it's because I was stopped from seeing her for nearly the whole of last year.

I combat the loneliness by keeping myself busy seeing as I have my girl every fri - mon my day job is pretty interesting and I deal in cars and tinker in the garage most nights throughout the week.

I know of a few people on here who travel crazy distances to see their kids it does work for them but as has been said they miss their kids like mad the expense of all the travelling is a killer to and they find it tiring.

I hardly saw my dad growing up and it screwed me up as a kid I think thats why I want to be there for my girl as much as possible like actd has suggested maybe talk it through with your ex and your daughter also have you considered moving half way inbetween so you're the same distance from your family and your girl?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 17/12/2015 3:45 am
jmac82
(@jmac82)
New Member Registered

Hi all im new to the forum so hello from me!

I have two kids from different mums and live approx 120miles from each of my kids.

The mums moved away over the course of time and it’s now up to me to travel/get hotels etc in order to see how kids. I do take them back to my house as often as I can but sometimes the 6hr round trip is just too much.

I now work a job doing 2weeks on 2weeks off and that kind of helps as it isn’t such a rush to squeeze everything into my weekends with them, particularly on the holidays from school.

Recently however one of my children’s mum has stopped overnight contact which now means I have no choice but to visit on the Saturday and Sunday only, we go out and spend the day together and I return my child in the evening.

This has put massive emotional strain on myself and my other child who now has to stay with me in guest houses and hotels in order for us to spend time together. Also this has put a massive financial Strain on myself with added costs to entertain, eat, sleep etc not to mention travel costs.

all I can hope for now is to get overnight contact back and get back to normality otherwise I may have to give up my rent to buy home and move to areas I would rather not be in.

Why is it so hard when it could be so easy?

ReplyQuote
Posted : 06/04/2018 12:40 am
actd
 actd
(@actd)
Illustrious Member

I would look at mediation to see if you can start to get overnight contact back again - did she give a reason for stopping this?

Take a look at www.nfm.org.uk

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/04/2018 12:38 am
Mojo
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there and welcome

As actd says, mediation would be your first step, but if that fails you can apply to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order to get overnights reinstated.

There's lots of information about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, which you might find useful, but if you have any questions you only have to ask.

All the best

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/04/2018 1:29 am
Megan
(@Megan)
Active Member Registered

Make sure u have acontact order in place

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23/09/2018 1:43 pm
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