Where to start my ex partner of 8yrs split up with me a week and a half ago. To pursue a relationship with a 62 year old man who apparently makes her happier than I did even though she only known him 2 weeks max. Anyway she has already introduced him in the home we shared to our children who are 3 and 16 months. She was getting off with the bloke the day before our 3 Yr olds birthday. She doesn't work at our relationship considering all the things we've been. Or and her age is 26 by the way.
Any advice
Hi,
Sorry to hear this. If your relationship is over, what is happening with child arrangements? Are you seeing children regularly?
So sorry to hear this,
From personal experience these things end as quickly as they start. It's your call if you can forgive this or not, only think about you in this not the kids if you can move past this and keep together that's one thing but i can promise you that it will never go away and resentment lies deep.
I'd certainly say you are in the separating phase right about now if possible hang on to every asset you have and anything that will be useful to you and your children, rebuilding a life from scratch is hard. Avoid buzzwords like child support don't give her any ideas about any financial gain. Best bit of advice i ever received whilst in counselling was don't think of this woman as you partner or ex anymore think of her as just the woman who looks after your kids while you don't. When I saw her the time after that i did just that and thought, wow this is a nice looking woman, but it was pointed out to me that if you walk down a high street you'll see hundreds of them.
Talk this through with as many people as you can stomach to get more perspectives but honestly, if she can do this now she can do it whenever. Seek legal advice if you're married or have a mortgage with this woman and get your ducks in a row preparing for the worst. You've a life ahead of you either way just remember that.
I'd be lying if I said it's going to be anything but [censored] for a while but all the cliches you hear about it getting better with time and all the rest of them are true,
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I hope you are managing to look after yourself as best you can. As others have suggested, don't be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support, and keep talking.
Your kids need you more than ever at this point. They are both too young to understand what is going on, but they are still not too young to pick up on change or tension. I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep on spending as much time as you can with them, and keeping your focus on their needs from you as their Dad. This really can be as simple as spending regular quality time with each child, letting them choose what to play or choosing a book to read together, and giving them your full attention, looking for opportunities to encourage and praise them and tell them you love them. Try to keep any difficult conversations or heated exchanges with their Mum for times when your children are not around.
Depending on how things work out, if you feel it might be helpful, keep in mind the free online course relating to parenting when separated, which you can access through the forum.
I truly hope things improve for you. Keep being the best Dad that you can be - you are so important to your kids.
Fegan's Parent Support