Hi - I am really sorry if im
not allowed to post on this site, i’m finding that i’m getting more help form dad forums then the mum ones.
I’m looking for some advice.
My husband of ten years wants a divorce, for many reasons, it was a shock but i’ve now accepted it.
we have two kids together ages 6 and 3.
He wants 50/50 custody - i feel like they are a bit young and also need a consistent home base. My 6 year old is under SEN and had behavioural issues, this is already affecting him loads. I feel like he has enough to deal and process with, dealing with his parents splitting up and then on top of that the stress of getting use to a new routine. His dad is a good dad, i am not in any disputing that, i just feel like it’s more beneficial for the kids if they had routine, structure and consistency, so i thinking term time, sunday eve to thursday they are with me in their family home, with dad has accessing to kids anytime, so pick up drop off, going to clubs etc but key for them to have the same bed time routine and the thursday dad picks them up has then for the weekend, i suggested two weekends and would be unfair for dad to have them all weekends, then every six weeks they have holidays and that can be split, or dad can have more as i have them more during term time.
so dad is not happy with this, he has suggested 5225 which i think will have a massive negative impact on the kids.
He has also taken voluntary redundancy, meaning he has no job, but for a good pay out.
I work two days a week and doesn’t get a wage like his. He gets paid very well or used too.
I want to continue to live in the family home, which is jointly owned by both, but i cannot afford the mortage so have asked if he can pay towards it, he said he cannot afford to pay both mortgage and his own rent, he has suggested that he lives in the family home as he can afford mortage and i move out, that way kids still get to live in their family home.
he currently won’t move out; and this is really impacting my kids and my own mental health.
Many advice would be sooo appreciated!
Hi,
I agree that certain arrangements can cause lot of instability for very young children. You can try get a family mediator involved to try resolve this, as well as the issue of family home/mortgage.
I have been through the court system and the childrens ages and any special needs are heavily taken into account when deciding arrangements.
hi @jms90 - you are more than welcome on here, so don't worry about that.
I would agree with the above, you need to go to mediation to see if you can sort this out at an early stage rather than it going to solicitors - unfortunately, from what you have said so far, I can see this becoming messy on all sides, so ideally there needs to be some agreement if you have any chance to avoid the courts.
@actd Hi - thank you so much for your advice, i really do appreciate it. we are currently doing mediation sessions, this is our third one, but no luck so far, i also feel like this will be very messy, i am however thinking of giving him his wishes as this is really affecting my older son who is aged 6. I can’t see him slowly break. This is destroying him slowing, kids are smart and he is picking up on the situation at home, i just feel very stuck.
@bill337 Thank you so much for sharing the link! I really appreciate it. Thanks
There are a couple of websites where you can get some idea of what you might be entitled to. The advicenow.org.uk website has info on financial arrangements after divorce. The rightsofwomen.org.uk website might help too. Hopefully mediation will work as it will be less stressful than arguing in court. It sounds as though he is bullying you so stay strong during this difficult time.
Hi, I agree all are welcome on this site and fair play for asking the dads for a point of view. However I’ve not seen anything in your original post to suggest that dad isn’t entitled to 50/50 shared care here. He is also within his rights to not move out. Appreciate it’s a lot for the kids, but affordability of housing may mean that the primary residence has to be sold to be able to afford living costs for all involved.
Will he get a new job that could mean 50/50 shared care is possible, or have you assumed that as mum you would naturally be the main provider of care?
im sorry that his decision to divorce has caused this effect for you, but he does have rights here too.