I am getting increasingly concerned about my ex-partner’s behaviour. Just after Easter 2018, when me and my 3 boys (now aged five, seven and eight) had spent the night at my now fiancée’s house for the first time, She called the police because I had shown the boys a YouTube video of her from when she was a teenager at school. The police said she claimed by doing this I was harassing her and they also said I spent too long on her drive when I dropped the boys off. I explained to the policeman that I record the conversations we have when I drop the boys off so I would get in my car turn the recording off and text my fiancée to say I would be back in 45 minutes. Me and my fiancée dropped one of my boys back and she threatened to call the police again so I suggested dropping the boys off in a park or a retail park. My ex-partner suggested a car park which is where I now drop them off. I drop the boys off at 5pm every other Sunday and my ex-partner has arranged for them to go to karate at quarter past 5. Last night I was 9 minutes late and my ex-partner was extremely aggressive. She was saying it was the 3rd time I have been late. I was 2 minutes late a fortnight ago but cannot remember any other times I have been late. She said she was going to stop me seeing the boys and called me a selfish [censored] in front of my youngest boy. She also stood right in front of me shouting and called me a selfish c*nt numerous times, all of which was recorded. About quarter of an hour after she had left I received an e-mail from her saying the boys had said I cut her off when she was speaking to them on my phone. Me and my fiancée both knew it was my middle boy who had cut her off. She also said the boys said I mock her in front of them whilst she is speaking to them and this was not in line with what I had asked to be written into the court order. This is untrue, the boys rarely stay by the phone when she is talking, they normally walk off. When we were in court I asked that neither of us should make derogatory remarks about the other in front of the boys. In her e-mail she didn’t mention anything about her behaviour. I am picking the boys up from school tomorrow and am concerned they may be annoyed with me for dropping them back late. I am also concerned about what effect her behaviour is having on them and my relationship with them. From the comments the boys make to me I'm pretty sure she says stuff about me when they are with her. If I speak to the police she will tell the boys that I called the police on her. All I want is a normal relationship with my boys without any interference from her. Is there any advice anyone can give me on how to handle any future situations or who I can speak to about her behaviour? Would a non-molestation order be appropriate?
Sounds much like
My ex . My order had a recital saying not to denigrate the other parent in front of the kids or somethings like that . If you have recordings of her doing so you will
Prob need to go back to court and get it in an order or bring it up in your next hearing and submit the recordings as evidence in a witness stament etc . My ex has called the police so many times , you have to be careful as something as innocent as you being 30 seconds in the car outside they’ll say might be seen as stalking so don’t give your ex any reason to call them as it will he used against you in court . Try to keep all comms with the ex in text or email . My ex is getting so bad at making threats to call
The police / social etc over zero and making threats abandons the kids with a sitter so she can go away and it’s tough if I can’t get time off work I’ll be submitting a non mol agaisnt her
Hello nicholaspwright,
In the ideal world of parenting both parents should be able to communicate amicably for the benefit of the children. However, you will read many posts on here where that does not happen and the children suffer because if it. Many fathers and some mothers are having to deal with unreasonable behaviour from their ex's. and the effects this has on their children.
Of course you are concerned about the effect your Ex's behaviour is having on the children and your relationship with them. We also need to look at our own behaviour in such situations
I cannot give you advice but I can give you my opinion.
You ask if there is advice anyone can give me on:-
Quote, "any future situations..."
My approach would be to always be polite, fair and reasonable.
I would not enter into any conversation by telephone or email other than if it is something to do with any of the children. Neither would I write anything on the social media websites regarding the situation which prevails at present.
Never talk about the childrens' mother to them or in front of them.
I would not drive onto your Ex's property. I would use a neutral place for handovers, for example a supermarket.
I would do my utmost never to be late for a changeover.
I do not understand why you would want to show your children and your fiancee a video of their Mother when she was a teenager.
You have your life and your Ex has her life, both of which need to be respected by the other party. If the situation is becoming fraught you only need to communicate when it is something to do with the children. Yours and your Ex's one and only aim is the welfare and safety of your children and to provide a secure, loving environment where they can develop and realize their potential. Added to which for them to have a good bond with you and with that of their Mother.
Quote, " Would a non molestation order be appropriate?"
In my opinion, no. I cannot see from what you have written how she has harrassed or threatened you for you to consider this course of action.
What I will say is becareful that your Ex does not apply for the same against you.
All good advice
hi,
i actually feel more sorry for the police. all this nonsense they have to put up with, when there are nutters out there stabbing people. you should forget about non-mol. if you go down that route then one of you will be blocked from seeing the kids. then its back to court for more headaches. even if you be nice to your ex, he/she will find an excuse to hate on you somehow. others gave good advice. only communicate about matters that are strictly to do with kids. nothing else.
The o/p’s situation may well be different from mine . Mine warrants one . .
I agree with the advice given above - and make sure that she has absolutely nothing she can hold against you as you can be certain she will use anything she can, but sounds as though you are already doing this.
From experience I would advise seeing or picking up the kids on a neutral space.
This avoids conflict and agression.
Think long term you want to win the war not the battles so your behaviour infront of the kids should be controlled.
You wont be able to get non molestation order against your ex partner. If you attempted too it would make things even more hostile. your children wont be angry because you are late so don't worry. the best thing you can do is not react to any of her nonsense and engage in any arguments. if she swears and shouts at you best thing to do is blank her or reply in a calm way.
What I did notice is when you do a drop off on a sunday is if you can you should change this to drop off to school on a Monday if you can do it. What you need to do is minimise handovers with your ex partner