not able to see my children or make any contact with them for the last 6 months due to me being on police bail part of the bail conditions, i am now on antideppresion pills and sleeping tablets,but still every day is a battle for me, i miss them crazy ,not knowing if i will ever see them again,please any advice on how to cope with this by someone has or is going through the same situation. this is the first time on this site so forgive me if iam not in the right category.
Hi Fabios,
What makes you think you will not see them again?
It may be that courts are not required as once bail conditions are lifted perhaps you could request mediation with your childs mother?
Residency or contact can be applied for and there is acceptance that a child does best with both parents in theyre lives unlsess there are safegaurding issues.
With respect to dealing with the stress and anxiety, you cannot eat a whole horse at once.
Try to live day by day and plan those days so that you give time to get some important things done but also allow some time for your self.
Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself be sad, not for to long thought, then suck it up and get a few of those jobs that you planned done.
Dont sit going through this alone....call the samaritains if you have to....I have. No intention of hari kari, I just needed someone to chat to.
Try a bit of meditation....google minfulness meditation.
Try some excercise...even a walk around the block.
In the evening stay away from caffiene and alcohol.. Set a bed time and stick to it. Jim Jams, Horlicks, write your worries down and decide which ones have to be dealt with there and then - There wont be any unless your backside is onfire - then lights out and sleep. Google worry tree.
Speak with your Doctor and ask if he can arrange Cognative Behaviour Therapy....very practical advice comes from this and it will help.
Its not easy but remember...nothing in life ever stays the same...ever...so even the bad stuff will come and go.
Ive rambled a bit but then I have had a bottle of Crabbies....
Regards,
Dave
Hi Fabios
Without knowing the details of your bail/offence (and there's no need for you to reveal this information), I would say that unless there are safeguarding issues, then you could look at the possibility of future supervised contact in a contact centre, or at the very least, indirect contact (letters, presents etc).
thank you for the last reply , its just an update on my situation iave been rebailed again the 4 time this year ,social services have closed the case and found no safeguard issues regarding my children ,but the bail conditions remain the same no contact with my children ,is their any thing i can do to change this?
If its part of your bail conditions not to have contact with the children I don't think there's much you can do. If you have a solicitor you could ask about the possibility of appealing. If you don't have a solicitor then give the court a call and ask them if you can have the conditions of your bail changed. I'm sorry I can't be of much help.
You could also attend a meeting of Families Need Fathers in your area, they might be able to give you some legal advice but at least they can support you. Here's a link to their webpage where you will find details of meetings in your area
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
Best of luck
If its part of your bail conditions not to have contact with the children I don't think there's much you can do. If you have a solicitor you could ask about the possibility of appealing. If you don't have a solicitor then give the court a call and ask them if you can have the conditions of your bail changed. I'm sorry I can't be of much help.
You could also attend a meeting of Families Need Fathers in your area, they might be able to give you some legal advice but at least they can support you. Here's a link to their webpage where you will find details of meetings in your area
www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings
Best of luck
I attend monthly at the FNF meetings, I can't recommend highly enough about going. It's brilliant, like here, advice is plentiful but gives you that face to face advice.
just been told i will be rebailed again until jan 2014 with the same bail conditions no contact with my children ,its my son 8th birthday today and i cannot give any cards or gifts , and top all of that i got to pay csa arrears for my eldest child taken out of my jsa benifit without my consent, any body reading this sorry for my ranting, but fXXk it makes me feel better, any body on the forum knows any thing about the police how they work ,is it a negative or a positive for me to be bailed for such a long time or they want see if i crack ? thanks for any feedbacks.
I'm sorry to here this, if the Social Services have no safeguarding issues with you then it seems grossly unfair to continue with the bail restrictions. Without knowing any details, and that's not to say you have to give any, but it makes if difficult to comment in any depth.
You could try writing to the police and asking them how much longer the restrictions have to stand, it was my understanding that they can only bail you for a certain length of time, after which they must either charge you or drop the case....I thought this was 6 months, but I could be wrong about that. The CAB would be a good place to get some legal advice on this.
Hi Fabios,
I'm sorry to hear of your situation.
From my own experience I had to respect bail conditions whilst I was waiting to go to court.
Obv, we don't know the details of the reasons that make bail necessary, but if u know that all will be well when they are lifted then that's a good thing right?
Try to focus on making up for lost time when you do get access again eh?
All the best,
thanks for your last comment , i like to think that every thing turned out well for you, my biggest fear is that my kids wont want to know me any more when this is all over, it will be 1 year in march that i had no contact with them, i just cant stop thinking about them, any advice on how to ease the pain? iam not scared going to jail , i just want to make some sort of contact with them, i love them to bits always have done, life seems pointless with out them in my life.
rebailed again this is a joke , mother inlaw thinks she s in control of my kids by covring their faces when we do come to contact by chance has she got any rights to do so?