I'll try and keep this short.
I've been in court the last few months trying to sort out a child arrangements order. Myself and my ex agrees at the FDHRA on a structure that works for both of us and we were happy to have it rubber stamped by the judge but they couldn't do it without the cafcass report.
Since the start of this I have had my daughter on average three nights a week by consent.
The mum threw a load of allegations in her application around domestic violence which were wholly untrue. Despite the allegations, I have had my daughter overnight regularly.
So cafcass called her and the report is awful. It cites that my ex says I'm prone to mood swings and irrational behaviour. That I was physically and emotionally abusive toward her and that I don't have a bond with our son. Our son is just a few months old and as such, my contact with him has been limited. There was no need to continue the mud slinging given we'd reached an agreement we were both happy with but her ten minutes with CAFCASS became just that.
CAFCASS were made aware by me (their police searches returned no results) that I had three cautions which were in my twenties. Years before I met the mother or had children. On was for damage to property around 14 years ago, another for common assault 11 years ago and the other for possession of a class A drug from 6 years ago on a night out. Needless to say, silly youthful mistakes but I'm now panicking that the court will say that the arrangement we both have come to and want to continue with will come to an end because of the safeguarding concern that CAFCASS raises around my cautii s which are hugely historical and before I had children or met my ex partner.
From experience, can anyone tell me how damning this is likely to be? I'm so upset and worries that the court will say hi can't see my children. I love them dearly and havingnhad overnight contact for the last few months, it would destroy my daughter not to see me and ruin any opportunity to be there for my son too. Any help would be really appreciated.
Hi Stretch, welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, I can see how stressful that can be.
No one can really predict what the court will say, however the fact that you have been having your kids overnight, together with the fact that details of the cautions were voluntarily raised by you should count in your favour.
The cafcass report should hopefully mention that the cautions didn't come up in their searches and were voluntarily raised by you. If it doesn't, I suggest you have a look at the link below and follow their recommendations as to what to do when you don't agree with something in the report:
http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/cafcass.html
Let us know how you get on and don't over stress, this will sort itself out in due time.
It might be a good idea to prepare brief Position Statement to take with you to the next hearing, just to explain how you feel, and the fact that you had worked with the mother and reached agreement and that had she had any real concerns she wouldnt be happy to endorse overnight contact, which has been happening regularly, for some time. Also make the point that your bond with your children, your oldest child in particular, is extremely close and it would be devastating for her, should the present schedule be limited.
Hi and thank you for your kind words. I submitted a complaint to cafcass about them not including that information that it was voluntarily provided along with them asking me if I wanted to leave out comments I made about me being emotionally abused over the years. It's now in their and the courts hands. I'm in tears over how scared I am that the courts will take my babies away when I've only done silly things as a kid myself. It's so stressful and I have to wait nearly two months before I go back to court. I just wish I knew what the court might do so I can stop worrying so much. Than you again.
Thank you for your advice. In have already written something similar and will be taking it to court following your advice so thank you.
Stretch, I think I know how you feel. Over the last 4 months I haven't been able to sleep properly, spent many hours feeling anxiety from the uncertainty of not knowing what is going to happen, and this manifests itself physically too, I can tell by the way my heart beats when I'm anxious.
I often wonder when will I tell my son a story before he goes to bed ? teach him how to ride a bike ? Help him with his homework ? Cheer him on when he goes out and do whatever activity he will one day choose to do ?
Inevitably all of these things and more are going to happen. It's hard right now that we're in the deep end of the muddy trench, but better days are ahead.
There are a few things that I've found helpful in dealing with this. I'll share them in case it helps.
One is the absolute conviction that your are your childrens father. Full stop.
Two is that when the law says, "the interest of the child is paramount", I think that's absolutely correct. As difficult as this period is for me, I've learned that being a father means your child is the priority, and your own feelings and needs are second to that.
when I start focusing on my child's needs and feelings, my anxiety is replaced with the determination to fulfill his needs, sure in the knowledge that I'm the person best placed to do that.
Don't forget that you are your child's hero. This will probably only last until they are 10 or 11, but in a child's mind, their dad is their hero, he can do anything. So make sure that you are in a place both mentally and physically to fulfil that role. In practice that means looking after yourself, sleep, nutrition, exercise and social interaction being crucial.
Another thing that helped was reaching out to my GP who at my request referred me to reflexology sessions. Those have been a bliss and they help along the journey.
Take it one step at a time. They are not going to take your children away, focus on the children's needs and when you are suffering, just remember that's part of being a loving dad.
Hi superprouddad... I can't tell you how much gratitude I have for yours and the other words of help and encouragement that have been given. I'm sorry to hear you too are having such a difficult time. Your hints and tips instantly lifted me so thank you. When my children are with me, I'm the hero and dad I want to be. I have my moments of doubt, angst and worry during my quieter reflective moments. I genuinely don't know what my children would do without me in their lives and I pray the courts will see that empty allegations and a few cautions don't make me a bad father. Even their mum has said she doesn't think the report is fair but who knows what's said or decided in court. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope there is light at the end of this for you. Thdnk you fir yiur suggestions and taking the time to share them with me. I will be taking your suggestions and putting them into action. Thank you again.
I had a cafcass report carried out on me and yes like you 10 years ago I was a young adult child free and single, and yes I had a few scapes with the law driving with no insurance, and even ABH charge 12 yeasr ago. The cafcass officer laughed when my ex raised this with her. This is classed as historical crimes and have no bearing on now and the future care arrangements. No judge would take minor offences on board, but obviously anything like a prison sentenced or sexual offences would still carry weight no matter of the time.
Hi chrisymon,
Was all your past mentioned in your CAFCASS report? I assume so given they complete the checks regardless of how historical. My couple of cautions are minor but I Sound awful. It doesn't help that since losing my relationship, I lost all my friends with it as they were mutual friends who sided with my ex partner when she took her untruths to them so I have nobody to ground me really. The report said 'cautions of safeguarding concern' so CAFCASS are putting weight on my cautions despite their age and being minor. I'm just worried that the judge will give these primary focus over how I am now as a father not what I was when I was in my twenties. It's a terrible shame really that these are spent under criminal law but apparently relevant under family law 🙁
I am a single dad of 4 girls under 7 and have had them in my care for 6 months since my ex partner attacked me at the hospital in front of my kids caffcass have just done a section 7 report and have recommended the children go back to live with there drug smoking mother this has me extremely worried as they are all in school and nursery caffcass never contacted the schools or nursery or done home visits which I thought they had to and if they did would have found out that my children are in a far better state than they were before coming to live with me will the court now tell me the kids have to go and live with there mother now
They based this on my previous criminal record from 5 years ago for growing cannabis I may add
Have they said you can still have contact despite your criminal record? I'm now really concerned