Money is a touchy subject with many so I am looking for some advice on how to navigate a scenario when I am savings inclined but my partner is not.
I am 41yo divorced dad to a now 10yo daughter. I have a good and stable job and am able to support a comfortable lifestyle whilst also planning accordingly for my future.
My partner is 40, divorced mother of 2 boys aged 14 and 8. She has a job earning above national average but no inclination to save for the future or really talk about money in any meaningful way.
We have been together for coming up to 3 years and have had conversations regarding budgeting, planning etc for a large part of that time. There has been very little change in her spending habits/financial behavior over that time although I have finally got her contributing to her work based pension scheme. Small win...
She tends to limp from financial crisis to financial crises due in part to a lack of financial awareness coupled in part with a very spontaneous spending nature. Her parents are both retired and her dependence on her mum to bail her out time after time is starting to really concern me. Her family has never been one to talk about money, in fact its something they actively discourage.
How do you go about changing someone's spending habits and attitude towards money after many conversations and examples that clearly show their strategy (read lack of) are clearly not working for them. Its not setting a good example to her children and I am not going to enable poor choices and behavior any longer. I know the change has to start with her and we have done her budget to help her get started, unfortunately up until now nothing has stuck and the behaviors remain the same. This is becoming a very big problem for me so would appreciate any insights or advice anyone in a similar position could share.
Hi,
It sounds like a challenging situation. There is some useful info here:
https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/talking-to-your-partner-about-money
Hello, I would suggest that you both need to speak with a counsellor your feelings and thoughts about all things financial - not in monetary terms - but the feelings and thoughts around how it makes you feel, why one person needs security and another lives from spend to spend. Has it been due to different upbringings, or divorce experiences ? However you resolve this, both sets of children need to see that you can work through issues together and agree some kind of "meet in the middle" and acceptance that we are all different and have strengths in different areas of life.
Best wishes,
Parent Support Team