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Loosing communication

 
(@spooner1986)
New Member Registered

Hi everyone.

 

I'm losing my ability to carry on. I'm depressed but I keep going with a smile and feel that there is no help for me.

I have 3 kids 2 with my x wife and 1 with my current partner who also has 5 kids - yes very busy house but I love them all.

 

My ex wife and I have been split for 8 years now and until last year they lived local to me so i could see them when ever. Last year my ex wanted to move to Devizes 2 hours approximately 79 miles away to be nearer to her side of the family, which I had no choice in the saying, so last year they left. 

Until last week, I have kept in as much contact as I can, but seeing them has been very limited due to travel and work and my ex's work commitment. The boys have been doing well in their new school and out of school activities, so I could see that they are happy. 

Last week I phone my kids up and they tell me they are moving to Leeds I am portsmouth and are moving in with my ex's new boyfriend I was stunned and kinda interrogated them on what when why... I had no contact regarding the move from a a text message saying they are moving from my ex after I spoken to the boys. I have been told I can have the kids over Christmas. I drove up to watch my boys' last football game and asked them if they were happy to move, and if they didn't want to, they could live with me, my oldest said yes but my youngest was very unsure. They moved 6 days ago and today I have asked for their new address which she has said she will not give me. as a dad, I need to know where my kids are living, and I want to know what they are doing. I know they are not in school, and the new partner will not speak to me like I have requested. I just want to get to know him, the person looking after my kids.

My ex is narcissistic and likes to use my kids as a weapon. I pay £320 plus cloths 50% for uniforms, etc, have done since we split. 

I need help. I phoned 101 today to get help from the police as my partner found a video of her crying on social media and the they said they do not get involved with family situations - yet I'm scared for my kids welfare, both of there phones are of 24 hours and counting. Child protection said it's not an emergency, so phone back Monday.

I've threatened with solicitors. I've not got the money to pay for them either.

There must be something I can do. I need some advice because I'm getting desperate.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

1 heartbroken dad

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 02/12/2023 6:21 pm
(@champagne)
Honorable Member

Thats a very sad story and one that is quite common although that won't be any consolation.  You don't say how old the boys are but if they are around 12 or older, then the child's wishes will be taken into account.  With regard to your maintenance payments, have you checked on the CMS website what your contribution should be.  You may be overpaying but even if you are, you may be happy with the amount anyway.  It could be useful to know.  You've called social services which is a good step and hopefully they will look into the matter.

As dad you are entitled to be part of the decision making on schools but that can be difficult to enforce in practice.  When you know what schools they are attending you can ask the school to send you copies of school reports.

There are some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website on child arrangements.  It's positive that you will be seeing the boys over Christmas and hopefully you can then agree how to arrange contact going forward.  Can you arrange video calls in the meantime?

You need to take care of your mental health.  The NHS has talking therapies and release the pressure which should be available in your area.  You can call the Samaritans any time on 116 123.

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Posted : 04/12/2023 9:25 am
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