Desperately seeking
I'll start from the beginning. My daughter was born in 2007 and was with mum for around 3 yeand.We separated and she had my daughter full time while I had her most weekends. didnt have the best relationship with Didn't have the best relationship with ex. She took daughter out of school to home school her. Then when daughter was 10, mum wanted to move 4 hours away and I'd only see her every other weekend. Daughter didn't want this as she had friends, family and Close cousins. So one weekend I was having her, she didn't go back to mums. Refusing. Kicking and screaming. Had to go the courts and paid thousands of pounds for mum to have full custody. After around 6months of daughter living with mum full time she decided she couldn't take it anymore and let her go. I got full custody and mum never bothered to see her since. (Only cards at birthday and Christmas)
In this time since Separtatingng with ex I have married, and have 3 children with wife
Fast forward to the last year, daughter has boyfriends, drinking, drugs and done everything to try and protect her. Punishing with the only way we know how nowadays is to ground them and are tech away. It ot too much last summer daughter run away to her aunt (my sister) and had her for the summer. She lives a completely opposite life to us. Going pub most weekends, smoking, drugs herself so am not happy she is there but thought time would heal our relationship. But seems daughter has saw another life she wants and won't come home. Now aunt (my sister) is demanding money for her when I don't even want her to be there? I've told her to send her home but she won't come. I still have full parental repsonbilty for her. What can I do?
hi,
sorry to hear this. how old is your daughter now?
Hi,
If child does not wish to return to live with you, then I don't think much can be done about it. If Aun is struggling with costs, you could try make private arrangement with her, or give money directly to child. Could open bank account for her?
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with your daughter. It can't be easy, but I would congratulate you on not giving up so far and would encourage you to keep on trying to stay in touch and continue to build your relationship with her. If she is not willing to come home at this point, perhaps you could suggest meeting for a coffee (if she is not too far away), or having a video-call, and trying to do this consistently if she seems open to this? Failing that, simply messaging or sending little notes. Don't be afraid to listen to her, to try and find out what her concerns are, and to acknowledge how she is feeling; similarly, don't be afraid to tell her that you love her and if it seems appropriate, to tell her that you would like to 'start afresh' with trying to work out how to move forward together in your relationship. Focus on re-establishing your relationship before you try to tackle some of the things that might be worrying you about her recent choices. It may take some patience and persistence, and baby-steps at first, but I wish you well and hope you see progress in time.
Fegan's Parent Support Volunteer