Wife hates looking after children
We are a family with 2 children, aged 7 and 4. We share childcare, although she probably does a little more than me because I work and she doesn't (she volunteers at a charity but won't get a job, she keeps saying she's going to get a job in 6 months). Both children are now at school.
The problem is that my wife hates looking after the children. In fact, I think it is worse than that, I don't think she particularly enjoys being around children or gets any pleasure from the good parts of being a parent, She definitely loves her children to bits, but I don't think she actually likes having children. She frequently says things like she wish she had a time machine so she could go to the time when they have both gone to university. She has a tendency to start arguments, both with me and also our daughter who is 7, then in the middle of the argument with our daughter she will get cross with me because I'm not joining in the argument on her side.
I also think she also resents that our son (4) prefers me to her. Perhaps rather foolishly she keeps asking him whether he prefers mummy or daddy, then gets upset when he says daddy. Yesterday I was about to give him his shower and she went to come in, at which point he said "don't come in" and closed the door, accidentally banging the door on her head. She wasn't particularly physically hurt, but was obviously upset that he had told her not to come in.
She then came in anway and asked what I would think if she walked out, leaving me with the children.
I think she needs counselling to help her to enjoy her children (and indeed what she has generally), so I was wondering if anyone here knows anything about this sort of thing? If so, what sort of counselling should I look into and how do I go about finding it?
Thats very sad and you may be right that she needs counselling. Or there could be a physical problem. You can start with the GP if she'll go. They have various services they can refer to. The NHS has a number of sources too. There is Release the Pressure and Talking Therapies. I expect there are also services just for your area. Try googling and you should find a number of possibilities. The county council website will also have information.
Thank you for sharing about your situation very openly and for seeking guidance. I would suggest it would be a positive step for your wife to receive some kind of counselling to help her talk through her feelings and to relay to a neutral person what she is struggling with and finding hard.
As a parent support volunteer and parent myself, we encourage parents to develop 1-1 time with each child into their weekly schedule as a way of encouraging and building up relationships. This does work and I have had several parents who have benefitted from this. It maybe hard for your wife at first to spend 1-1 time with each child, but even 10 mins three times a week can make a difference. I have put a link below to the counselling and this same charity also has a great website with tips on parenting, family relationships and help for adults. There maybe a more deep seated reason/fear or insecurity that your wife has and she may be too afraid to share it, but hopefully if you seek help then she will feel able to share in time. I hope that you are able to move forward together as a family.
Best wishes, Fegans Parent Support Counselling with Fegans | DAD.info