[Solved] My 13 year old son doesn't want to visit anymore
I have two boys, 13 and 11. Whatever my 13 year old does, my 11 year old does.
I have the boys every second weekend and Wednesdays.
Recently and out of the blue, my 13 year old tells me he doesn't want to visit me on Wednesdays any more. This was a total surprise as we get along great, they always has a good time with me, etc.
Issues: I live 45 minutes away from his school. We (my gf and her 6 year old daughter) have a small condo. When the boys are with us, all 3 kids share a room.
The boys have told us that they don't like sharing the room with her. I told them that from now on, the girl will sleep with her mom, the boys will have the room to themselves and I would sleep on the couch. Also, we are trying to get a bigger place but money is too tight.
I was unhappy about no more Wednesdays, but I beleive I will accept their request to stop their Wednesday visits as it interfears with their routine.
Now, my Ex wife (who is not nice to say the least and I beleive is manipulating the boys) tells me that she beleives that the boys don't want to visit me on the weekends too.
My heart is broken. I don't know what to do. I will speak to the boys when I see them on Wednesday but until then I am going crazy.
Normally I would not beleive my ex but she is the one that warned be that the boys didn't want to see me on Wednesdays (I didn't beleive her then, but I was proven wrong).
Can someone please give me words of advice and encouragement?
There is bound to be some manipulation by your ex, but your son is also at the age where he wants to do things with his friends. Are there any particular interests that he has that you could base your contact around? That way it keeps up contact because you are doing things with him that he wants to do. I really think it could just be his age at the moment.
Most people do not think this is a phase.
The question is: do I move out of my home with my GF and move closer to the kids or not.
Most people I talk to think I should not as my boys will eventually not want to come and sleepover at all.
Its not that i live so far away. It just 30-45 minutes away in traffic; 15 minutes away with no traffic.
I need words of encouragement guys.
I am so sad.
it must be tough. the next time you see them or speak to them, you could discuss booking some activities with them. ask them what they would like to do? perhaps a holiday somewhere here or abroad? i speak to another dad who is still married. he just accepts the fact that his kids have become distant to him and do their own thing, due to their teen ages.
Another option is to start doing activities for yourself that you think they might like to join in with at some point. That way you are active, and they don't feel obliged, but they can occasionally spend time with you in an easy relationship.
Have you thought about speaking to the boys about what they want in respect of weekends? They're not exactly babies and you might find you can reassure them or reach an agreement that everyone is happy with?
My daughter stopped or refused to go to her mums boyfriends house, which was an hours drive. The reason was only because she was tired of the routine. Come home from school on a Friday, straight into her mums car to go to BFs house. It wasnt that she didnt like him, or was tired of him, but the same routine and thrndrive was getting her down.
So perhaps change the routine, or let him have the odd weekend without coming to you as a break from the routine and then he will be keen the following week. It is often not personal I think, just a case of same ole, same ole......