Hi,
So in feb I won a residency order to have my son live with myself, he visits his mum Friday-Sunday then back with me and my partner for school etc..
I let my ex call to speak to my son during the week...
it seems everything me an my new partner do with my son, my ex copys.
example we went swimming and when she called my son told her and her reply is, we will go on the weekend and it will be better then my son forgets everything we have done and is looking forward to the weekend with his mum...
Its every week and numerous things, picnics, football etc...
I am glad my son is getting alot of fun things to do, but we feel are efforts and thoughts get quickly forgot about because his mum promises him all kinds at the weekend and never encourages him to enjoy his time with us..
Anybody have any advice?
Is it nothing to worry about?
I’m not an expert on the topic, but I was reading Amy Baker’s “Co-parenting with a toxic ex” and she touches on this.
The book suggests that when a child experiences the same thing twice, she is more likely to remember the last instance, hence, copying can be an effective technique of erasing the memory of something the child had done with you.
Does the child stay with mother every single weekend ? That must make it hard as you loose a lot of the fun time. Still, if you have the child 5 out of 7 days I would imagine you don’t have so much to worry about as other parents going experiencing the same who see their children a lot less frequently.
Hi there
I agree with superprouddad, but you are missing out on quality weekend time... mostly a court would take account of that and that’s why the most common order is to alternate weekends, to give each parent that quality time.
The situation may settle but if not you might like to think about applying for a variation at some point, using the argument above.
The main thing is that your son is happy, sometimes we have to make sacrifices for this to happen... if your boy is thriving and happy then that’s all that matters really. There will be times where you can create special memories that no amount of copying can erase.
All the best
Thanks for replys..
Yer he was living with his grandmother through no choice of mine, and she had admitted taking drugs early on in his life due to a toxic marriage so ahe claimed, they moved him house and school 3 times within 8 months. I had to get the grandmother drug tested etc and then before court they changed what they wanted and gave in with demands that his mother picks him up friday after school and returns sunday at 6.
I work full time, and my son is in school all week so time is minimum, i had managed to change my hours with work to be able to get him from school 3 days a week now which gives me more time..
Just hard when I feel hes brainwashed into thinking hes in a boarding school living with me, and of a weekend he gos to his real home when it was his mum who did not provide for him in the first place which caused all this.
Ill keep monitoring the situation and see how things go.
Thanks again
I remember your case now that you mention he was living with his grandmother. I seem to remember his choice at the time was to live with you... don’t underestimate his ability to see the reality of the situation.
He had a tough time back then, now he is secure and happy and you’ve done that for him... he knows that I’m sure.
All the best