New to this group and in need of some help!! Basically I'm a father to my three year old child and basically over the last 3/4 nights every night he has been waking up screaming that there are spiders in his bed and his room... we (myself and my partner) have literally tried everything to reassure him there isn't... we even took all his bedding off and put new bedding on when we realised he had Spider-Man bedding on and maybe that was causing it... we did this but he still wouldn't settle so we let him sleep in our room. Then the second night around 1am he woke up again screaming clearly agitated and the same "spiders in my room" speech started again so we reassured him but after 45 minutes to an hour of constant crying we had to put him in our room again.
The following day I got air freshener spray and made out to my son it was spider vanishing spray and it will get rid off all the spiders my son was very happy with this.
All day he was saying there's no more spiders and he has been absolutely fine with playing in his room throughout the day.
However again last night the screaming started when he woke up again at 12-12:30am (he goes to sleep at 7pm no problems at all each night) we thought enough of this and decided this is simply Oliver playing up to get into our room and decided to play strict parent and wouldn't let him back in our room for another night. We told him he's being silly and took his tv out his room for him crying so much and literally screaming at the top of his voice.
He was even pointing at the floor to his mum saying it's there (there was nothing there of course) but every time my partner would point to the place she thought he was pointing too he would say no. We really are knackared my partner is pregnant with our second child and we are just completely shattered.
Woke up this morning to hear my son singing at the top of his voice "spider spider where are you here I am here I am how do you do"!!!!
I'm on my way to work now and can't even keep my eyes open on the bus. Has anyone got any advice at all please or even anything that we're doing wrong to tell us because we really don't know what to do to help him and help us. Thank you in advance. :pinch:
By bringing out the "spider vanishing spray", you're projecting the idea that spiders are a bad thing and need to disappear. By taking his TV your also saying that it's not ok to be afraid of things - if he's genuinely afraid then he's being punished for something he's not able to control. Discipline is hard to quantify and it's often easy to lose sight of when discipline is appropriate and how much. My ex partner used to literally scream at everything our children did wrong - there was no yard stick for them to understand what was just bad behaviour or something that was really naughty. My method was usually to encourage good behaviour rather than punish bad behaviour.
Sometimes fear is a good thing and also some people can't get over their phobia's. It's perfectly natural - evolution has built us with a good dose of instinct to keep us safe and our civilised ways haven't quite overridden those yet.
I've never been afraid of spiders and always brought my children up to see them as nice things. I'd start them off with the little ones first, show that holding them caused no harm and asked them if they wanted to hold them too. You can start off with ants if you like.
It always amazes me how full grown adults are so petrified of the spiders in the Uk - they're mostly harmless. By teaching them that there's nothing to fear, they will grow up without this phobia and it will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Of course some spiders are dangerous and you need to teach them this, but they're so rare in the Uk that it's almost nothing you need to concern yourself with. But you don't want them growing up thinking it's ok to pick up a Tarantula.
Of course a lot of people can't get over that fear - I'm the same with snakes. Even when I know they're not poisonous, I have a lot of difficulty overcoming my fear of them.
Maybe it's worth a try.
Also you could show them how to remove a spider without hurting them. I always use a glass and a piece of card to catch them and then let them out. If your son sees you doing this he might think they're all gone and settle down at night more.
Spiders have always had a free run of my home unless they're bothering friends - they're territorial and you rarely have more than a few at any one time. I'd much prefer to have a few harmless spiders running around rather than mosquitoes which leave those nasty itchy welts when they bite you.
Incidentally, here's a handy tip for anyone who gets house flies in their home. Impossible to catch - quick aren't they. Use a spray bottle - water, window cleaner, bathroom cleaner, whatever you have to hand. Just don't spray it over food or plates or utensils. There's nothing worse than having numerous baby flies taking over your kitchen. Or fly strips work just as well.
I'm with you on this Paul - if you can teach your son that spiders are not something to be feared, then that will be good for the future, and I also let spiders stay in the house if they aren't to big, otherwise they go outside alive - I'd never kill one.
One of my friends taught his daughter that they were not to be feared, and I saw a video of her coming out of a garden shed holding the biggest spider I have ever seen (well aside a tarantula) as if it was a pet mouse, without a trace of fear.