Hi everyone,
I've never told anybody this because I feel ashamed that it's the case but I'm having great difficulty bonding with my one year old daughter. When she was born all my mates who are dads told me I'd cry my eyes out when she arrived and when she came and I didn't I already felt something was wrong. I tried my best to get involved for the first few months however when it came to bedtime I'd try and rock her to sleep but she'd just scream until her mum came and took her off me. I'm at a point now where I struggle to spend time alone with her, I find her boring and I just want to go back in time to how things were before. I feel absolutely terrible...I read this sort of behaviour is more common for the first three months of a babies life but usually dads have formed a bond by now. It's impacting my relationship with my fiancée to where it's near breaking point. It doesn't help that I can count on one hand the amount of times she's slept through the night and she's one now. I work in construction so I have to be out of the house a 6am and I'm not usually home until 6 at night. Does anybody have any advice for me?
Cheers.
Hello Thomas 1988,
I think you're giving yourself a hard time and your expectations of yourself are too high. Let nature take it's course. Mothers have an advantage over fathers as they have carried the child for nine months.
Bonding is an individual experience, no two people are the same, for some it is instant, others may take months and months. Listening to others who tell you when and how you will feel when a baby arrives, serves to heighten your anxiety and makes matters worse if you don't happen to feel the same as they did. Do not compare yourself to others.
I am a mother and grandmother who has never been able to bond instantly with a baby. I am not a "baby person" at all. For me, my bonding goes from strength to strength when they become toddlers. I have a wonderful loving, very close and precious relationship with all three. The delay in bonding for me has not been to the detriment of the children or myself.
You work long hours consequently your time is limited but if you can find a period each day where you can play with your daughter on her level and have fun together, over a period of time I am sure you will find your attachment to your daughter increasing.
Be kind and patient with yourself. Do not get stressed about it as this will make you feel worse and be counter productive as to what you strive to achieve.
Hi,
I think its only normal for some men to feel this way. There were many times i couldn't even utter my daughters name as it made me angry, i had no problem with letting my daughter down at times and i was never putting her first because my situation was far from perfect and it has brought me nothing but trouble for the last 3 years. I wouldn't attribute it to me not caring or loving my child but i certainly blame the circumstances of the situation and not enough time spent with her to make the pain go away and move forward. It is quite a common occurrence so i would not worry about it to much.
Paul