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[Solved] Oldest child confused

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Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Only you can make that decision..

 

Based on what you've said, taking a step back and allowing things to progress naturally with your daughter driving contact in a year or two sounds sensible. 

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Posted : 14/03/2021 10:45 am
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

@Daddyup thankyou for your replys I appreciate it 

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Topic starter Posted : 14/03/2021 10:52 am
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

Update been a week since I stopped it. She added me on roblox chatted for abit all she was interested was what am I getting for her birthday and how many then she went off. I spoke on the phone once was awkward and the mum put me on loudspeaker and kept making her laugh. Then I randomly got deleted on roblox.

 

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Topic starter Posted : 22/03/2021 5:24 pm
Warhammer
(@warhammer)
Estimable Member Registered

This is parent alienation and should be reported to the courts. This child is being controlled by her mother in a abusive way. Your child still wants to see you because you are her dad, she will know her mom is wrong, but she won’t know how to deal with it, she is just mirroring her mother and by doing this gets a reaction, probably praise from her mother in some way.  she wants/needs normal parent behaviour from her dad. Never talk about her mom in front of her or let anyone else. I know it’s hard but I think you should keep seeing her, make her feel special, wanted, loved. Have you spoken to her school, pastoral care?

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Posted : 22/03/2021 8:08 pm
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

@jnnyi appreciate your reply if you read my previous post its been utter hell I've gotten tp breaking point 

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Topic starter Posted : 23/03/2021 11:31 pm
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

@jnnyi appreciate your reply if you read my previous post its been utter hell I've gotten tp breaking point 

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Topic starter Posted : 23/03/2021 11:31 pm
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

I honestly think she doesn't really care anymore 

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Topic starter Posted : 23/03/2021 11:31 pm
Warhammer
(@warhammer)
Estimable Member Registered

Hello

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Obviously can’t know all of the circumstances. Just trying to think of anything that may help you. I certainly don’t mean to disrespect you in any way.

my Grandson (when he was younger) would never play with his own dad, if he tried to join in, he would scream no not you! After weeks of this and us asking him why, he finally spoke to me saying, mommy said daddy naughty, don’t play with daddy. Gave us something to work with, we spent time telling him how nice daddy was and how much he loved him. Didn’t take long for things to change.

is there another family member that your daughter could spend time with. 

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Posted : 27/03/2021 8:40 am
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

Hello everyone thanks for the replys 

Thought give an update 

 

Since my last post I don't see my oldest anymore. It got to the point she would meet me slag me off saying mum said this and that and I'm wrong and even if I said look at this she would deny the fact of proof. I no she's a kid so sorta accepted it.

 

Since then I spoke weekly phone calls ect till mum messaged saying I'm not allowed anymore then funny enough my daughter said she didn't want to any more 

So non exists now I sorta have accepted it and at peace with it for now but on another note 

 

I had this issue before we live 10 miles from my ex and all my family and my past where I use to live so we never go that way as I find it so awkward which causes alot of issues with my personal life as we are really restricted. Incase be bump in to eachother.

 

We've been offered move of house before many times but I've always been reluctant as I have memories were we live. Not good ones mainly bad but u get attached but you feel like you can never be yourself anymore.

Main issue is my 6yo is in school and have friends and even though the school has been pretty crap you can't help feeling bad because she's happy and you'd be taking her away from it due to our personal mental health.

 

Moving we would be happier as we would be relaxed but on the other side we feel it's unfair on our child.

 

Can anyone else help with advise 

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Topic starter Posted : 13/08/2021 8:41 am
Daddyup
(@Daddyup)
Prominent Member Registered

Hi

I can't really advise on whether to move area and schools but my thoughts are as below..

 

If you are going to do the move now would be the best time.. Your child is still early into schooling/education, still at the development stage and therefore will take to a new environment, school easily.. In a year or 2 this will become much difficult, more so if your mental health worsens over the next 2 years and you are wanting to move just at a time your child has built strong relationships at school as an 8 or 9 yo..

Good mental health for you will positively impact on your child and family whilst the reverse is also true.. In your shoes if I had the option to move then when child is young would be best time to do it..

The next suitable time will potentially be just before child goes to high school, can you cope until then?

Re your mental health, if you do decide to stay where you are, maybe see a counsellor, look at the support network around you etc..

 

All the best.. 

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Posted : 13/08/2021 2:39 pm
Lostinblac
(@lostinblac)
Estimable Member Registered

@Daddyup hello thankyou for the reply sorry its taken so long to reply 

Basically since last time the previous house fell through so we decided to stay nut recently another house has came up. They like ours we like there and a high ish chance it could happen

 

We viewed and its rural ish no crime big grass back garden pretty nice to be honest our current house has a concrete small garden which we never use atall as it's dangerous.

Main issue is now there a chance it could happen I find myself clinging onto memories around here stupid little things but also things like my daughters friends our walks we've done together basically loads of stuff I'd never normally care about.

We don't have any family atall regardless where we live but we're familiar with people here I suppose to the point u no where u stand and we have 1 close friend 

I just don't know what's best tbh anything that happens I'll sorta regret regardless but it seems ever since we moved here so much happend kid in care ect that it's always been tainted and even npw we don't visit surrounding areas as I always bump into my oldest and ex who kick off so we drive far and we're never relaxed.

 

Even where we live my ex visits so it's sorta a shitty situation but I feel so guilty about moving.

Is that normal 

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Topic starter Posted : 24/10/2021 7:09 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Reputable Member

Children make friends very quickly so I don't think you need to worry about that.  You could talk positively to your daughter about the move being an adventure.  If staying where you are is bad for your mental health then that should be your priority.  If your mental health deteriorates, that will adversely affect your daughter.  You could try NHS talking therapy - you can google it but will also see website where you pay for counselling.  A chat with a trained counsellor could help you sort out your thoughts  and worries.

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Posted : 25/10/2021 11:28 am
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