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I haven't been on here for a while but it went back to court and I was granted supervised recorded contact with my daughter. The first session went ahead in a coffee shop at the end of may but my daughter refused to see me and would not come inside, she began to shake and cry and was genuinely terrified. Roll on now and cafcass have decided that although when asking my daughter why she didnt want to see me she couldnt give a reason why they will not be persuing it further and will be recommending indirect contact which will be in the form of 4 letters a year, apparently once a month is too much. I asked about counselling for my daughter but the cafcass lady said that whilst she would recommend it in her report it would be down to my daughters gp to sort it which means my ex would have to sort it so its not going to happen. Apparently I could have continued the supervised contact sessions but it would have been seen as abuse because of how upset my daughter was. I tried in desperation to contact my ex and suggest we clear the air and ask if she would be willing to keep me updated with pictures of my daughter and let me know how she was getting on but she never replied. So that is pretty much it for me, I will not be attending the court hearing as I feel I am wasting money just to be told that I won't be getting to see my daughter after all, in fact I probably won't be having much to do with any of the whole thing now and will shut it out. As you can all imagine I am hurt, I feel let down completely, cafcass don't want to help and don't even want to dig further to find out why my daughter is rejecting me in the cafcass ladies words 'I have come as far as I can go'. The whole system is terrible and my ex has got away with all her nasty vindictive ways towards me and has now won. My daughter now has a new dad and has her siblings, none of my family count for nothing. I now have to wait and see if my daughter changes her mind and decides to contact me in years to come. Am heartbroken and expected a bit more from cafcass.
Dear Tandn,
I am sorry to hear this. Please do not despair. Emotions are raw and so it may be a case to try and make the best of a difficult situation. Your daughter will always be an integral part of your life and the situation will fluctuate. I am not sure of her age but children will always want their parents in their life and I have no doubts you will always be there. Chin up son try and not let it completely dominate what is on your mind. Take a bit of time out for yourself to regroup. There will always be a silver lining to each cloud.
With regards to what you are described with your daughter, they seem like panic attacks, if you have PR or are a concerned parent there is nothing stopping you from contacting the GP, to highlight this. A trial of cognitive behaviour therapy may benefit her, because she may not only be panicky about this but the whole situation and would be important for her to develop coping strategies for life in general. Alternatively, there may be even more going on in the background that you are not privvy to.
Your daughter is worth every penny do not pre-occupy yourself with this. You want to know deep down that you did everything you could do. How about other places where she feels more relaxed, or could she bring a friend - take them somewhere fun?
Never stop believing!
BW
My daughter is 10 years old and she also lives 150 miles away as her mum upped and moved 18 months ago. I have no idea who her gp is or anything like that. There is no way around it Cafcass will be directing to the court that I have indirect contact via letter four times a year. My daughter refuses to come near me at all she would not even come inside the coffee shop where I was waiting. It's an awful situation and one that I thought would be handled differently by the courts and Cafcass but it appears that is not the case. If my daughter had a reason why she didn't want to see me that was actually true then fair enough but she came up with nothing, surely that screams that something is going on behind the scenes!
Hi tandn Im so sorry things have not worked out, this must be really sad for all your family . I should imagen your daughter has been fed a load of bull. I know how hard this is but I would go to court , you never know the judge may order some thing else , keep all your paper work and one day when your daughter isold enough she may come looking and you can prove you tried .
who took her to the coffee shop and why was it being recorded
The original contact centre apparently didn't allow that kind of contact so they had a week to find a place so they picked a coffee shop. The reason it was supervised was to see how my daughter reacted and because she also said she had a fear I would snatch her which is something I've never done. To be honest I've spoken to an advice line who said that its rare for the courts to go against what Cafcass recommend. I've been screwed over big time I really have.
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