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I have no doubt that many people write on here that this will be a lengthy mail, but i need to lay out the situation as it is to get the best advice.
Apologies peeps
Approx a month ago my wife dropped the bombshell that she considered the marriage over and was moving back to her home town.
I can't argue with the marriage being over, we have been on that downward spiral for a few years and i dont consider it worth saving.
The main issues are now what to do with the kids
We have been married for ten years and have four kids, one 19 who lives with my wife's parents as he has an apprenticeship nearby and he and my wife just dont get on
A boy of 8 who is very sensitive and under diagnosis for asbergers, a girl of 7 and a wee monster boy of 5. (oh and a dog)
At present we live in a big four bedroom house in the middle of the country, the kids have a massive garden to play in , they attend a lovely little village school of 80 kids (mainly for the 8 year old) and we have visitors most weekends as everyone wants to come to stay.
My wife and i have always worked together running our own companies and the one we run now means i can work from home. It has not been easy and we have accumulated a bit of personal and business debt, not insurmountable, but it's there
There is no domestic abuse , she just feels isolated and we have drifted apart.
Her plan is to move back to her home village approx 60 miles away, get a three bedroom house, put the kids into the local school, and get a 'normal' job.
She expects me to upsticks and follow her, set up the business within spitting distance, get a house within 10mins and share the kids all week. ( we cant afford it at the moment and i would have to get Three new staff and be 60 miles further away from my two main suppliers)
The kids will have to be given to a child minder to allow her to attend her new job, go to after school club and attend a catholic school. The secondary school,they would feed into is in the bottom 15% in Scotland. My wife has only been in Chaple for wedding and funerals, our kids have never been christened, baptised or been at church ever
They will also have to share bedrooms which they have never done before as she has picked out a small three bedroom house that she can afford
If I stay here the kids will have no break from what they have always know, the 8 year old will still get the special help at school (it has taken 2 years to get him on the programme for his asbergers), I will be there to put them out to school, and will be there when they come home and they will eventually feed into one of the best secondary schools in Scotland
She has never been maternal at all and has stated many times in front of family and friends that she never wanted kids and only had them to please me.
My wife has real issues with dealing with the kids, so much so that our friends, may family and her family have had to take issue with her behavior several times (not abusive , just anger management, shouting etc)
She has already had one nervous breakdown and has been on anti depressant for two years to cope
During that period i have had to shoulder all the domestic responsibility. Cleaning, cooking, kids to school etc
Since this all blew up she will not deviate from her plan, the kids have to stay with her as "she wont get the working family tax credit or benefits if they dont", it's almost like a mantra
We have had a couple of big pow wow's with both Dad's there to mediate (and i have to say her Dad has been a total superstar and been so fair and straight)
But she will not move from her stated plan
I am at a loss where to go from here
does anybody know what my rights are?, nobody has gone to a lawyer yet. I think that would signal open warfare
We are still living under the same roof and in the same bed, but it is like torture everyday, the silent treatment is killing me slowly, bit by bit
If she moves she will earn approx £300 a week, if i knuckle down i can earn £3k, but i have to move everything and destroy what we have built for our kids
Can she just 'take' the kids', can i get something to stop that?
I am happy to enter mediation, arbitration anything to stop this madness.
But i suspect and so do the family and friends that she will not either enter the process or if she does it wont change her position one iota
Tips please girls and guys
Hi, so sorry you are going through this. Have you thought off going to relate, they don't just patch up relationships but also help to ease the break up and can advise. If this isn't for you then with all you have said I cant see why you cant go for residency and have the children stay with you and your wife go and live her single life. You can go to see a solicitor for advise your wife does not have to know. You could suggest that the children stay with you in the family home during the week so she can work and she can have them at the weekends, the courts want what is best for the children not what income they can bring to the table. She cant at this stage take the children against your will and there's .
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