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Hi, I am a mother of a four month old baby. My ex and I separated when I was pregnant after I discovered he was still financially involved with his ex wife. I put up with a lot of abuse throughout my entire pregnancy off both my ex and his ex wife and he was not supportive in the slightest. Since the birth of our son in January I have allowed contact on a regular basis (3-4 times a week) in my own home. The problem is my ex is constantly accusing my of having another man and believes this is the reason I don't want to be with him and not because I can't trust him due to his lies and abuse. This often results in an argument and he will resort to sending nasty texts and as a result of this I have withdrawn contact on three or four occasions (maximum). I Feel I have been more than reasonable with the contact arrangements as I always plan it around his many commitments. However, he accuses me of being a "blackmailing, controlling dictator" and is constantly saying he will go to court as he wants our son overnight and at least one whole day. I have put up with this stress for so long now and it is taking it's toll on me. It is not my desire to prevent him having a relationship with our son. I just feel at nearly 4 months old he is way too young to be away from me for that amount of time.
I would appreciate any advice you have to offer on reasonable contact arrangements with a young baby as I am fed up of being called all of the above. I accept that when our baby is older he will have overnight stays etc and I am fine with that.
Many thanks
Every judge is different, so what they would allow varies. However a small baby is considered dependent on its mother & I don't think a judge would allow overnight visits at such a young age. They need to be built up to along with the relationship between baby & father. A fathers role is important, however I think you're being more than fair with the contact you're giving, many many mothers give a lot less.
Don't let this stress you out or be bullied by your ex, this would be seriously frowned on by the courts, so he isn't doing himself any favours. Keep all the messages in case you need them down the line. But I would say that until you are confident in your ex's capeabilities to take care & look after your child for a full day, & follow the routine he has, then you are absolutely doing the right thing. Its not about what your ex wants, its about what baby needs. Maybe you could try allowing him to take him out for a walk for an hour by himself & build it up from there? You ex needs to prove himself capeable of taking care of such a small baby,as they aren't toys.
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