[Solved] Can I stop my Ex partners, new partner from seeing my child.

Hi Randomlyness,

I will start by saying well done for looking after your son while your ex partner goes out drinking and taking drugs.

With regards to your question, when a Court determines any question with respect to the upbringing of a child, the child's welfare shall be the Court's paramount consideration. In the circumstances where an aplication has been issued for Residence Order, a Court shall have regard to the feelings and wishes of the child concerned, his physical, emotional and educational needs, any harm which he had suffered or is likely to suffer, how capable each parents and any other person in relation to whom the Court considers in question to be relevant (her partner), is of meeting his needs and the likely effect of any change in his circumstances. Also the Court will take into consideration your accommodation which is very significant if you are to be awarded Residence Order. When your case is listed for Direction Hearing, there is a possibility that CAFFCASS will be ordered to ascertain the wishes and feelings of your son and medical examination on your ex partner and his partner. It sounds to me that you have been caring for your son while she goes out drinking and taking drugs and, seriously in front of your son which should not be acceptable in any way. Children who witness violence and drug taking thinks is acceptable in society and therafter does the same when they start growing up.

It is very clear that your son is likely to suffer harm if he continues to live with them and I would urge you not to be discourage but do the right thing for your son.

In relation to your second question, I am not sure whether your ex and her partner are married or not, however, if Residence Order is granted in your favour and you feels that him having contact with your son is not in his best interest as it looks like, then do not make your son available for contact.

Hope this helps
sf children law

Hi Randomlyness,

Welcome to the Forum.

What a situation to be in, Of course for the sake of your son you must take steps to protect him. I will get our legal partners The Childrens Legal Centre to pop by and respond.

I see that SF Specialists have given some advice - which of course we welcome, however please note that The Childrens Legal Centre provide legal advice fully endorsed by DadTalk.

Gooner

I can empathise a lot with you, as I went through a similar state with my ex (though she didn't have a partner - it was simply her behaviour & alcohol abuse).

Just to clarify - has your ex got a residence order, or is it simply an agreement between you two?

You need to go for a residence order, but this will take some time unless you can get an emergency order.

Otherwise get onto, and keep on at, social services (and get the police involved whenever you think your son is in danger) - they have a duty to protect your child and if they can't do that in your ex's home, then they would have to remove him, and this is exactly what you want - they won't put him in care if there is a suitable relative to take him in, which means you. This will make it much easier to get a residence order. While you are in court getting a residence order, get a legal undertaking from your ex to the court not to take drugs or alcohol before of during contact - if you get this, and she breaks this undertaking, there are quite severe penalties available to the court, including heavy fines and imprisonment (it's contempt of court).

Once you have residence, you need to consider contact. I would disagree with the advice not to make him available for contact, the courts are generally reluctant to stop contact unless it is in the best interest of the child, and whilst unsupervise contact is certainly not in his best interests, supervised contact at a contact centre would solve this (and show the court that you are not stopping contact for the sake of it) - the contact centre will have rules about drinking and drug abuse, and contact would not go ahead if your ex was under the influence. That way you can be sure that your son is safe during contact, and you should also be able to restrict contact to people you agree to.

Dear Randomlyness.

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.

Firstly, SF Children Law are correct in the things that the court will consider during your application for residence and the paramount concern is the best interest of your son.

As a general rule, when a child is with each parent it is for that parent to decide who a child can see and what they do, and the other parent will not have a say in this. However as you say the new partner is violent towards the mother and threatening towards your child, this is something you must bring up with the court, and can also contact the police and Social Services about.

The court will make their decisions based on the evidence put before them and after hearing each party’s arguments and representations from any involved third parties, such as Social Services and CAFCASS. The court will decide what they believe to be the truth based on the ‘balance of probabilities’ and what version of events they believe is most likely to have happened given all the evidence.

If the courts do grant you a residence order then this will normally include provisions for the mother to have contact, and you should not with hold this as stated by SF Children Law as this could place you in contempt of court and lead to you being penalised by the court.

When the court are making their decision, you are able to request that, if you are successful in gaining residence, the mother’s contact is supervised or that there are restrictions on the new partner being present. The court will decide whether this is appropriate in the particular circumstances.

If the court does make provisions for contact and you do not comply with these, the mother is able to apply back to court for enforcement of this, which may lead to you being penalised. Penalties for breach of contact include warnings and fines, unpaid community work, and in serious circumstances removal of the children to the other parent and/or imprisonment. So it is not advisable to withhold contact when the court grants this.

Assuming that you are successful in gaining residence, and the mother has contact provided in the court order, if you then have concerns after allowing the contact that has been granted, you are then able to apply back to court yourself for variation or discharge of the contact order, and the court will consider this based on what they believe is best for your child.

It is rare that a court would grant full residence to one parent without contact provisions for the other parent, unless there are extremely serious concerns for the child’s safety.

If the mother’s contact is not supervised and there are no restrictions on the new partner being present, then you are still expected to comply with any contact granted, as the court have granted this after hearing all the information. If you have serious concerns raised after attempting the contact then you can apply back to the court for variation, but the court will decide if there is reason for this.

If you are not successful in gaining residence of your son, then it will be for the court to put in place any contact for you to have with him, and again this will be legally binding and you can reapply for enforcement if the mother does not allow what is ordered.

Should the mother retain residence she will be able to decide who your son spends time with when he is with her, including her new partner, so long as this is not restricted by the courts or Social Services.

You would be able to contact the Social Services and/ or police if serious concerns for your son’s safety continue, and it would be for them to assess whether there was a child protection issue in your circumstances.

We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

Hi there, Thanks for the reply. No one currently has residence of our son, until cafcass have investigated my allegations he will remain with his mother unless they see otherwise.

I see my son 2 days a fortnight there is an order in place for this, she has been informed she must bring our son to a specific address at a specific time so I get him Friday 3pm to Sunday 6pm.

I would never stop his mum seeing our son, obviously I have issues about visitation but nothing that cant be solved with help on her part, However should i be granted residency then I really do not want my son spending time with this violent thug, If he can threaten to burn my son and put a knife to his girlfriends throat the girl he says he loves god know what hes capable of. you hear about things like this on the TV and im not prepared to put my son at any risk.

I honestly believe because he seems to control her life at the moment, she has no friends, no family, no money, no phone, no internet because he put a stop to it all, i believe if i was awarded residency and he was able to see my son with my ex then they would try and abscond so im not able to find them, he has threatened to move my son out of my home town already.

I mean im not saying im the worlds most perfect dad but I dont do drugs, I dont drink and i care about my sons welfare alot more than she does I would say...

Dear Randomlyness,

If you are awarded full residence, then it will be for the court to decide on contact for the mother and whether this would be restricted in any way.

You are able to tell the court of your concerns regarding the mother’s new partner, however if the court do not restrict the contact that they give the mother, then the mother will be able to have your son around her partner during her contact times and you will not legally be able to prevent this if the court have deemed it acceptable.

Even if you are unhappy with this situation, you can not alter or restrict the contact stated in the order without taking the matter back to court as you would be in contempt of court and can be penalised.

If your ex partner and her partner attempt to abscond with the child, and you have a residence order, you are able to have that residence order enforced and to commence abduction proceedings if they leave the UK.

If you are not successful in gaining residence, then the mother does have the ability to move with your son, anywhere she wishes within the UK without seeking your consent and will not be committing any offence, even if she does this with her new partner.

Unfortunately, you are unable to do anything regarding this matter until the court has made their decision regarding residence, and then the situation will be as above and previously stated.

However if the court does not restrict contact between your child and the mother’s partner, you are not able to. The Social Services may become involved, but even they can not override a court order and if they have concerns you would have to take the matter back to court before attempting to restrict any contact.

We hope this information is useful to you, if you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

Unfortunately, you are unable to do anything regarding this matter until the court has made their decision regarding residence, and then the situation will be as above and previously stated.

I'm not sure I agree with this - as far as I was aware, Social Services can intervene if a child is in danger and remove him from his mother. Can you clarify this point, as this is a possible route I was suggesting above?

As stated in both posts, the father is able to contact Social Services at any time if he has concerns for his child's welfare, and if they do becoem invovled they are also able to make representations to the court if requested by the court. It will be for them to decide whether they become invovled at this point.

It is for the court to decide whether they will restrict contact in any way, and he can not appeal or challenge the courts decision or do anything legally, other than contact Social Services, to prevent contact until the court has made their decision.

If an order is put in place that does not restrict the contact, then the Social Services can not override a court order, the father will have to take this back to court if they did happen to advise that contact was restricted and the final decision would still be for the court to make based on what is thought best for the child in these circumstances.

Hope this clarifies the situation, if furhter advice is required please ring the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008.

Children's Legal Centre

Hi

Thanks for clarifying this 🙂

I would suggest that contacting social services is certainly worth considering.

Hello again, I wanted to come back and inform you of events since I last posted.

Another incident involving violence has happened this incident was reported to the police this time, there was also information from my son that his mum had actually attacked her new partner with a knife in front of him meaning he had to attend hospital for stitches.

My sons mum also lost her home as her partner had smashed it causing some considerable amount of damage and she has now moved to another town.

We went to court last week and I was awarded a interim residency order, I have placed my son in school and he is doing very well, Ive only had the order for about a week but my son has been living with me since the begining of June as his mother returned yet again to her violent partner, When she returned i refused to let her take my son and put him at risk.

Anyway we are due to go back to court again in august CAFCASS are making a report. I wanted to ask has anybody ever heard of a CAVA report the judge mentioned it but I cant seem to find anything about it, Is it some kind of crimimal report.

I was also told that CAFCASS do 2 differenet check one if a conviction check and the other is a check about arrests and so forth and any incidents when the police have been called to him home.

Can anyone confirm this.

Not heard of it before, but a google search brought up Child and Vulnerable Adult report - sounds like the right thing. To be honest, since your son has settled in his new school, and the longer he is there, I would be extremely surprised (well totally aghast) if any judge found it in your sons interest to return him to his mother - it's probably not too ethical, but the longer you can drag out the process, the longer he stays with you and the more settled he becomes,

I would say that your priority now is to restrict contact for the safety of your son - I think contact in this case would be best at a contact centre.

Hi there,

Its been a while since i posted on here so i though an update should be done.

I was awarded full resdiency of my son the mother left her partner came to court and agreed my son was better off in my care. However a week later she came to my home and attacked me i was left with no option but to contact the police and a warrant for her arrest was issued.

she obtained contact every alternate weekend however now i feel if she is portraying this kind of behaviour to people who are helping her what is my son seeing when hes with her.

on a number of occasions since my post my son was witness to various attacks.

I never asked the court to restrict contact to mother only because at the time of the court hearing she wasnt with her partner, he is now messaging me telling me that he intends to take me back to court to gain residency i dont want my son anywhere near either of them.

Surley i should be able to do something in order to protect my son, i dont want to stop contat with his mother however i do feel her violence towards myself and her partner is not somethig that she can promise to keep to herself while she has him over.

I therefore wish to pursue a injunction stopping her from coming within so many miles of myself and request that contact be done supervised and in a contact center where the staff there can assess her abilities as a mother. I am aware she is taking cocain at this time and i dont believe she is providing any benefits to my son by showing this kind of behavious.

Any further advice would be appreciated.

Steve

I would say that what you are requesting is very reasonable, and if your ex is taking drugs, then contact should definitely be supervised - you can go for a prohibited steps order on the back of a variation in contact rather than a separate application - keep a diary of everything that happens, and any evidence of drug taking etc.