[Solved] child support HELP!!

HI
Unfortunatly paying child maintanance and getting contact to your child are two different things, its a shame because im sure many mothers useing the children as weapons wouldnt happen as much if it meant them loosing money .
Are you on the Birth certificate ? and why do you doubt being the father, ?. Is there reasons your ex stopped you having contact.
you can appy to the court for contact and if its granted and she does not turn up she can get into trouble . The money you paid in the past is in the past. Is it the Csa trying to get money ? im afraid you not wanting to pay her money because she wont let you see her are very different in the eyes of the law. have you tried mediation, you get this free if you are entitled to legal aid

my ex stopped me seeing her, after the last time i saw my daughter, she told me herself i never asked, that her mum had a fight with the neighbour who pushed her and her mum fell onto my daughter, when i questioned this with my ex she said it was none of my business. after dropping my daughter and getting home i had an email from her saying i would never see my daughter again.
after email after email, she told me to see a solicitor that was the only way i would see my daughter, which i did.
i took birthday presents for my daughter and she called the police on me saying i was threatening her which i wasnt as i knew what she was like i recorded the whole incident on my phone and showed the police.
she also has a history of alcohol and drugs i reported this and the incident with the neighbour to social services who where not interested.
mediation was set up and my ex declined to attend and failed to reply or turn up to the contact centre.
my ex who has a new partner living with her, says my daughter now calls him dad. after i moved out, i found out she was claiming she housing benifit whilst living in a council property, claiming income support, child support whilst i was living there, and god knows what else and now doing the same while this man is living with her, she also fails to declare the money i have previously given to her and the father of her other daughter gives to her, while the kids are at school full time she sits playing xbox all day like a lazy teen, instead of earning money and setting an example for her daughters!
she has also admitted the cards i have posted for my daughter, and also from my family members, she has opened herself and taken the money out, not giving either to my daughter.
even doing what she wanted and seeing a solicitor she refuses for me to have contact and i doubt she will turn up to the court hearing too.

i have doubts over paternity as when my ex found out she was pregnant, i was only just 16 and we were not together but she had another man living with her, a few days later that man moved out, and she i believe thought it would be easier, giving my age to make me believe the child was mine, i have previously asked my ex through out our relastionship for a dna test which she refused saying i would not see my daughter again, which she has done anyway!
i was with my ex for 5 years on and off, and now have realised how much she used me and took advantage of me giving my age, i was 15 when we got together my ex was 34! she used to invite me and my friends into her house instead of going to school to play xbox and smoke drugs and drink alcohol. at the time i did not know any better and now have realised what a huge mistake i made, the only thing i can do is the best for my daughter, by biggest mistake was not taking her with me when i left my ex! i bought up my daughter as her mum was to busy sat playing xbox all day when i used to work a night shift, come home to get both mine and her other daughter ready for school, come back sleep for a few hours, go back to pick the kids up from school, feed them and put them to bed before going back to work, whilst she pocketed my hard earnt money. as i said i was under her thumb and did not know any better.

i also recently found out that my ex has been sending MY daughter to the father of her other duaghters house every 3rd saturday when she goes to see him! whilst im not allowed to see her! how is that right?

i am at my wits end as i do not even know my daughter is ok, she had over a year to contact csa but only now she has done so, so i am basically being made to pay, not to see my daughter, how is that fair??

Hi
none of this is fair. I hope other members read your story and can advise. Have you looked on the csa site as I think it says on there how they determine if you are the father or not I think if you have doubts you can ask for a Dna but I expect you will have to pay for it, like most things it seems to fall on the Dad but I think its the only way to find out
DNA testing
One of the ways the CSA can sort out a disagreement about parentage is by DNA testing.

If a person named as the parent of a child refuses to take a DNA test, the CSA will presume they are the child's parent. When this happens they will have to pay child maintenance.

If a parent with care refuses to take a DNA test, the CSA will close the case.

Presumed parentage
By law, the CSA can presume parentage if the person named as the parent:

•was married to the child's mother at any time between the conception and the birth of the child (unless the child was adopted)
•is named on the child's birth certificate (unless the child was adopted)
•has taken a DNA test that shows they are the parent
•has refused to take a DNA test
•has legally adopted the child
•is named in a court order as the parent when the child was born to a surrogate mother
If the CSA presumes parentage, it will work out a child maintenance amount. The person named as the parent must pay this amount until they can produce evidence to show that they are not the child's parent.

I think firstly you need to contact the Csa by phone and letter and tell them your doubts as I know once the case has started this is the date you have to pay from so if you dont pay you will end up owing money. so i would set aside this money so if it proves you are her Dad you can pay. You really do need to find out if you are her Dad as it will be there in the back of your mind forever, if she refuses a DNA it must be because she has doubts her self. You dont want to go through life thinking shes yours then in 16 years time find shes not. The mother sounds a night mare to be honest and your own parents must have been horrified. If she is your Daughter then take her to court , for a contact order you can do this your self you get a c100 and it costs £200 , I expect you will get contact at first via a contact centre but thats better then nothing and then gradually you will get proper contact. I think the judge after hearing your story will frown upon what she has done. Are you in a postion to go for residency and have her full time. I know theres a few people on hear that can advise you with this.
If your daughter is going to her step sisters dads could you contact him, I expect hes just being used as a baby sitter and hes proberbly been told he has them both or dosnt get his daughter. My heart goes out to you, take one step at a time, but get in touch with csa straight away as they dont go away and will presume you are her dad, get a Dna done ....

i just dont know what to do.

my solicitor has advised me to apply for court, but i doubt she will even turn up.

i feel like she just gets away with everything and in the end yes she can punish me but is it fair to punish my daughter?

i have even tried to contact the school, who have been less than unhelpful, i do not know what to do.

how do i go for residency, under what circumstances could i get it?

i have another contact centre arranged in 2 weeks time, i live over 100 miles away from my ex and daughter and have to spend my time traveling up to them when she wont even turn up again.

she told me the only way i would see my daughter was to go through a solicitor which i have done, my solicitor wrote to her and she said she would not attend a mediation with me but would be open to contact centre and court proceedings.
contact centre was arranged and was less that 5 minutes from her home, yes she was in, but failed to turn up.
she does not have a solicitor herself.

how could i get a residential order?

Hi

Basically it's going to be court proceedings to get a contact or residence order. Your solicitor is best placed to tell you what is likely to happen - we can't ask the CCLC for advice as they are not allowed to give advice where a solicitor has been engaged.