Contact stopped out of revenge.
Hi people, I need some advice please.
My ex-partner has stopped me having access to our month old because I ended our relationship due to her mental and emotional abuse.
She has said to me previously that if I ended our relationship I would be the one who would suffer. She has now completely cut me and my family from seeing my child. She has blocked any way of contacting her.
She has tarnished my name and slandered me to family and friends and as a result of her compulsive lies they don’t want to know me.
She phoned the police for harassment because I was ringing to find out when I could see my child. The police investigated and couldn’t find any evidence of her accusations of me messaging her abuse. They said that all they see is a Father wanting to see his daughter but advised me to not contact her anymore to avoid being arrested.
She allowed me to see our child at her grandparents for 1 hour 2 weeks ago, but it was awful, it was at her grandparents, the grandparents and her brother was present and they locked me in the house with them, her brother was guarding the door the whole time and my child’s mother was outside waiting in her car. I just wanted to see my daughter but it was really awful and controlled and I felt really uncomfortable which is all down to her.
I have contacted the social services and the mental health team over concerns with my child’s welfare and my child’s mothers well-being but they didn’t want to know.
I feel completely lost, I feel helpless and I’m completely broken. I just want to see my child but all she wants to do is try to control me and punish me because I ended our relationship.
We are doing a joint mediation session in a few weeks and just to be extra awkward she wants it in different rooms.
She has also registered our child with my name on it to remove my parental responsibilities out of spite.
How can someone get away with this?
How can someone decide to do that for their own selfish reasons and personal gain?
Why don’t fathers have the same rights as mothers?
Yes it's terrible how some ex partners exact revenge. Seems like only thing you can do is take the legal route if mediation fails or not possible. Definitely a hostile environment for you to see child in that environment. Hope you can get a decent arrangement. I have been through something similar and just replied fully on the courts to help me.
She isn’t doing what is best for our child, she is depriving me out of revenge.
I have a list of child related issues I wish to discuss during mediation. I just want to tell my story and for them to hear my concerns.
Otherwise it will have to be court and I will have to represent myself as I can’t afford a solicitor right now.
If social services won’t listen to my concerns, they have said it just sounds coincidental and malicious.
Then who do I call to document my concerns? These are real concerns and it worries me every day about the long term damaging effects they will have.
if you are going to court to sort this out, then you can tell their social workers about all of your concerns. They will speak/interview you during the process.
As an added point, ensure that your focus remains on your child and their best interests and securing contact with them for you rather than allegations/concerns against the mother.
By all means raise them if they are safeguarding relevant but otherwise avoid unintended consequences where you divert the mediators and the courts attention away from what you want (child contact) and onto the mothers failings and therefore the focus will be on how to help the mother.. (which you do want but not at the expense of delays to you getting contact), especially if anything you say/do could cause you to appear not child focused and mother to fight back with counter allegations..
All the best.
I’m not at the court stage yet. We have a joint mediation appointment next week but just to be extra awkward she is doing it via zoom shuttle.
I’m not wanting to mud sling, I have real concerns about the hostile environment my child is growing up in. And the long term damaging effects.
I just want contact but she is refusing unless it’s under her control and supervision. She won’t even let me take our child to the park. It has to be done in her way how she wants it. Massively controlled.
I just hope that they listen to me at the mediation.
So I have a first joint mediation session this week but just to be extra awkward she wants it in a shuttle.
What should I expect at mediation? What should or shouldn’t I say?
I also contacted Mens Advice for help and support for the psychological and emotional abuse I went through with my ex.
When should I bring this up? Who should I tell? What things can be put in place?
I also have concerns about the hostile environment that my child is growing up in and the long term damaging effects it could have. Social services didn’t want to know.