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Court Ordered or not

 
Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

Hello

Hoping you can help please.

I have a court order in place that states  It is ordered that, and then list contact arrangements, etc which I believe is the actual court ordered part.

Above this part there are a few paragraphs that I do not think are actually court ordered. One of them states ‘ The court having indicated that it believes the parties should resume using the communications book but only to record brief essentials details in relation to the child.

This was back in 2015, and requested by my ex as a way of her telling me things and for me to tell her things, such as what we’ve been doing, what he as eaten etc (controlling) she must have loads of these books stored somewhere. 

we are now arguing again and she is stating that it is court ordered that we use this book, but I don’t think it is actually court ordered. Can anyone please clarify this for me.

 

many thanks 

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 13/10/2021 5:45 pm
Champagne
(@champagne)
Estimable Member

It seems as though the court would prefer you use the contact book but only to record brief essential details.  I assume its not mentioned in the order part at all?  I get the impression your ex wants you to put down everything but the court does not expect this.  In order to keep ex on side, perhaps you could use the contact book but keep it brief in accordance with the court's wishes?  Six years have passed now and the child/ren will be able to tell their mother what they have been doing.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/10/2021 9:14 am

Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

Thank you for reply.

No it’s not mentioned again in the actual court ordered part. She is telling me it’s court ordered so she won’t stop filling it in as she will be breaking the court order and I will be breaking the court order if I don’t. I’d like to tell her this is not the case, as it’s not actually part of the court order? 

Our son is nearly 9 he knows his mom writes things about him in this book, he carries it to school in his bag on the days he is coming to me, so he or anyone else could read it, which I also thing is wrong. She texts and emails me as well, there is nothing in the book that she couldn’t text or email me about. I rarely put anything in the book, as I do text/email her. I really think it’s time for this book to stop being used. 

 

 

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 14/10/2021 9:36 am
Champagne
(@champagne)
Estimable Member

You might well be correct in theory but if you are now arguing again (presumably about something else?) it is worth picking a fight about this?  There are several co-parenting apps which might be more suitable and you could try one of those.  Sometimes its better to pick your battles and don't sweat the small stuff.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14/10/2021 11:36 am

how contact centres work

Jnny
 Jnny
(@jnny)
Trusted Member Registered

@champagne it is connected to something else bigger, which might seem trivial to some but it’s driving me mad. Pre covid my son always took a bag in to school with his overnight stuff that he brings to my house when staying with me, change of school uniform (because she says I don’t wash his clothes properly) a teddy bear that never comes out the bag and her communication book. Covid restrictions at school meant no more bags in school, so I had to go to her parents to pick it up and hand it back to her boyfriend at the school gate the following morning. Restrictions are now lifted but she says our son no longer wants to take his bag in to school, so we must continue as before. I spoke to our son and asked him why, he said it’s too heavy. He just carries it from school gate to his desk leaving it there until home time, we looked at his bag and I showed him that it’s the same bag as before and all the contents are exactly the same, he was fine and said he would take the bag in to school. I text his mom to tell her. Next morning she was at the gate to take his bag. I then got a email complaining that I had been questioning my son over and over and more or less forced him to take the bag to school, I certainly did not do this. She had herself sat him down and gone over what I had told her, him ok taking bag in to school. So she’s the one questioning him. I don’t see why he can’t just take the bag in to school, like pre covid. She now meets us at the school when I take him, sometimes with her boyfriend. Today they were stood either side of the school gate, she grabbed our son saying how are you, given me a kiss before you go in to school. I’m sorry but I find this unacceptable. Obviously we don’t get on, the only time things run smooth is when we don’t see each other. Our son doesn’t know how to deal with the situation either and seems confused by this new awkward arrangement. Am I wrong in expecting my son to just take his bag in to school like he has for 3 years now.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 15/10/2021 12:23 pm

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