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Hi All.
First ever Forum post. I wanted to guage peoples reactions on this if possible.
For many years I was paying my ex wife heavily over the odds and 100% regularly (on a monthly basis) in terms of maintenance that was agreed mutually between us.
Randomly, one Sunday about 2 years ago, I had a call from the CSA. My ex wife had asked them to collect all monies and ensure that I was paying the right amount. I'm certain that this was driven by greed (assuming that I was earning more, etc). Anyway, as I knew, I was paying way too much, so the payment was brought down to the leagl requirement - you can imagine her reaction!!!
More recently, it has come to light that becasue I have my children staying with me more than before (mutually agreed with ex) my payments 'legally' can be brought down again.
My concern is that I knnow my ex wife is greed driven and not driven by the childrens best interests. I'm certain that if the payments come down again, she will reduce the amount of time that I spend with them - just so that the payments remain at the higher rate.
My No. 1 priority is to have my girls as much as I can, but since she involved the CSA, I feel that I should be paying 'The Going Rate'.
What are your thoughts or experiences?
ANy suggestions?
It's a tough one! How old are your girls?
You're dealing with unknowns here...you are right and your payments should be reduced if your overnight contact has increased but you don't want her to start messing with the amount of time you currently have.
The amount you are paying is less than you were paying initially, did she try and reduce your contact then? If not then her free time maybe more important to her than you realise and it might not be all about the money.
If you go for the reduction, you could suggest that you put the difference into an account for the girls...so you are still paying the same amount but your girls will benefit.
The other option is to go for shared residence and get your contact defined in a court order, that would mean a court case and this could put strain on your already strained relationship with her....some women have been known to suspend contact altogether when court is brought into the equation.
I usually suggest mediation, and this would be an option if you reduce the payments and she then reduces contact.
As I said, it's a tough one!
I think NJ has just confirmed what you already knew - ultimately, it's your choice, but if you are happy paying the current level (which is less than what you were originally anyway), I'd be inclined to take the extra days but keep the payments the same.
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