Hi,
Really hoping anyone here can advice me of their own experience and the best course of action.
My wife and I separated 2 months ago. We have 3 children, twins who are 3 and a 1 year old. Although we own the house together and are on the mortgage together I have moved out and have no access now as locks have been changed and CCTV installed. We had an agreement where I did bath and bed from 5:30 - 6:30 3 weekdays and had them at my house 8-12:30 on Sunday. We have spoken with a mediator after I pushed to get holiday arrangements in place so I could make plans. The bath and bed routing has now been taken away, and the holiday arrangements cancelled on 23/12/22. She is citing safeguarding issues that frankly do not exist as her reasoning. Being the holiday period I can’t contact my solicitor or mediator until next week and I’m desperate to see the children.
Can I just go to the house? Will this make things worse?
I have safeguarding items I could raise but I feel it enflames the situation further and doesn’t gain me access.
I’ve offered to have them overnight, offered to take them to and from nursery, reduce their nursery hours so I can see them in the afternoons (I’m on garden leave now for 5 months) but all requests have been rejected. It seems inevitable we’ll end up in court but I don’t want to jeopardise my case by doing the wrong thing now, or seemingly doing nothing and appearing not to be bothered.
Has anyone here been through a similar thing and can offer advice?
I prepped my C100 just before Xmas but wanted to give the mediator a shot first. I will formalise the court proceeding as soon as solicitor is back at work in the New Year but it will be some months before I can expect to see a resolution and all the while I’m ready and able to see them in a safe environment but being denied the opportunity to do so.
I left my wife for another woman and I feel very strongly that the raw emotion of that is pushing her desire to hurt me back at the expense of the childrens wishes.
How can I see more of the children without compromising future court opinion?
Any advice very welcome. Thanks in advance.
Hi,
If your ex is not allowing access and has made it clear in messages that she is not allowing, then I suggest that you don't turn up at her place. She could report you to police for harassment or apply for a restraining order against you. These things will cause big problems for your upcoming court case and make child contact a much more difficult process. Also a good idea to not contact her repeatedly about child access if she has refused.
@bill337 Thanks for the advice. This is as I thought, but there must be some method to see them. Would the citizens advice bureau be a place to start?
Even if I can’t get to see them, are there things that I should do now to demonstrate how important I think it is for them to have me in their life? I’m concerned that my lack of contact could be interpreted as a lack of interest.
@tyrone hi, when your solicitor is back you could ask to write a letter and send to ex, about arranging child contact. Be wary about their costs. By time court process has finished you may likely have spent something like £10,000 or more. Have you considered self representing?
You could contact CAB but they will probably refer you to forums such as this or tell you to get a lawyer. You could try ask ex if you can see child, even for 1 or 2 hours a week.
@bill337 Yep, I’ve got an email in to the solicitor for them to contact me ASAP on their return to work.
I’m aware of the potential costs, and so is the ex - although she has money behind her which I think is why she wants this to be as long winded and expensive as possible.
I’ve emailed ex and mediator this evening, I doubt they’ll be a response so I may have to wait until the solicitor returns next week.
Thanks for all your advice.
I'm sorry the separation isn't straightforward. There are some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website. These will explain the process for getting child contact and you may find that you feel comfortable self representing. It might be an idea to use a solicitor for the first letter in case you can find a way to agree without resorting to court.
