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Dear All,
I'm back again and after some more advice please. Those who've read my previous posts will know that my partner is beginning the process to go back to court to have his contact order with his children amended. The current contact orders are both very restrictive and give his ex a great deal of power which she is using to punish my partner whilst making the childrens lives a misery in the process.
The orders at present were made based on lies that were told by his ex, unfortunately as my partner was unwell throughout the majority of the period he was unable to fight back against what is effectively a character assassination.
She initially got an emergency order based on lies about my partners mental health and accused him of witholding their son from her - She was drunk and the attending police officer said the child should go with his dad as she couldn't look after him. 24 hrs later the police turned up with the emergency order.
She later retracted everything in a cafcass interview stating that he was a good dad and that he would never place his children in danger. We are aware of this letter but have never received a copy. We also have the police record of the day my partner took his son stating she was drunk and incapable.
In a later cafcass interview she told them that my partner had self-harmed infront of his son and accused him of negligence. We managed to record her stating that she 'hadn't said any of those things and she knows he's a briliiant dad and would never do anything to hurt the children'. Nothing was ever altered on record though to our knowledge - my partner has never had an interview with cafcass to this day.
When my partner went for the final hearing in Feb regarding his youngest child he was under the impression that it was purely to have pr granted. When he arrived he was handed a statement which was utter nonsense and I have been compiling solid evidence to contradict it ever since. She even included a line about me saying that I 'hoped she bled to death'. I have never said anything along those lines - on the contrary, I had to change my phone number as she was ringing me at ridiculous times of night to hurl abuse at me!
Since I last posted here she has told us she has a moving date of 28 August but refuses to give my partner anymore information so we're assuming she's moving to South-End which is the latest place she has picked off a map, so we now feel we have to move quickly to prevent this. Back in Feb after we had just moved 300 miles to be closer to the children - I interrupted my degree to transfer uni's to facilitate this - she told my partner she was moving and he told her he would get a prohibitive steps order to prevent her leaving. Her response is that she will bring up his mental health again (effectively tell more lies, my partner has been stable for over a year, is going back to work soon and has his eldest son overnight on a regular basis).
She has no good reason to move. No job or prospects, her close family are in Oxfordshire which was the reason she moved here in the first place and now my partner is in ox and she uses us a babysitters on tap which we are more than happy to go along with as we would have the boys full time if possible and we cherish every moment we get with them. She struggles to cope despite having a huge amount of support from us and her family. Last week she called to ask us to have the eldest for a couple of days as she couldn't cope and this is a regular occurance.
The worry is that she knows she has no good reason to move and she has admitted that it would not be in the boys best interests to take them away from their dad again. But, if the case for prohibitive steps is judged according to the previous evidence and reports we feel that there is a good chance the judge will rule against my partner, particluarly if she tries to cite his mental health as a worry.
What we really need is a way of proving to the authorities and the court that they have been lied to for over a year. I have plenty of evidence to support this as well as evidence of my partners stability but is there a way of getting hold of all cafcass communication? Also, is it possible to have the original material she submitted looked at again by the court to prove that she lied?
And is it possible for my partner to request an interview with cafcass without any court proceedings? He has never had one. Nor has he ever been offered the opportunity to submit a statement to the court. Effectively, all they have seen is a onesided argument of completely unsubstantiated slurs. They will remain unsubstantiated as there is no evidence to support her claims as they are untrue.
We need things to be watertight and I'm worried that if the previous statements or indeed, if the same judge hears the case it will be very much prejudiced against him.
So sorry for the long post again but we have to get this right this time. Last year my ex received very poor legal advice and was ridden over roughshod and we and the children are now paying the price! If she does move it will break the eldest childs heart - he already spends most of his time with us and she has admitted that he would be happier living with his dad but won't allow it as it would letting us win! We have never adopted that attitude, all along we have only been concerned with what's in the childrens best interests.
Thank you x
You so definitely need to put in for a PSO and even a Interim Residence/ Residence Order if you would like one or both children to live with you.
she is definitely not putting the children's interests first, and creates instability for the children.
Have you got all the documents now, including CAFCASS reports from the previous hearings? if not, write to the court and ask for them. That is not right that you don't have copies of anything filed in the proceedings. Nor should you have received a copy of a statement just bebefore going into court.
The fact that she holds your ex' mental health against him and then lets him have contact is very contradictory! And will help you. Within these proceedings (after issue of proceedings) you could probably then bring in the fact that you have not seen documents etc. You would also be able to produce your own evidence, particularly so far as your ex is concerned. You can also refer to the fact that you moved for the children i.e. that whilst you understood she moved to be with family, she has no family in Southend.
If you do not do anything because she is using his mental health now, as she did previously, you will be forever blackmailed by this ex. On top of that you are entitled to know where your child is living.
Once again Enyamachaela you're advice is like a balm. Thank you so much. Would it be worth trying to get a fact finding hearing do you think or just submit all of our evidence at the pso hearing?
My partners getting on the phone to the court to get all copies as we speak. You're support and advice has been so reassuring. Thank you again!
Hi las 🙂
I think a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from moving is a must, but I wouldn't advise going for an Interim RO/RO as this would only be awarded if there are serious safeguarding issues with the mother. The court wouldn't split the children either. I think you really need to concentrate on the PR and contact issues with the youngest child and try and bring the contact with the two children into parity.
Could you remind me what stage you are at with regard to the PR court proceedings las.... I'm surprised that you haven't had any CAFCASS involvement whatsoever, but unfortunately you can't request it, it has to come from the court. If you put an application in for a PSO, thats done with a C100 form, you could submit a C1a with that. that would allow you to mention that the children are emotionally effected by what is going on, the fact that she is giving you the oldest child over and above the ordered contact because she can't cope, and you are worried for the childrens well being, then I would definitely think that CAFCASS will be involved...especially if you submit the C1a form with the C100 for the PSO application.
When multiple applications are made to the court the judge will usually amalgamate them under the original case number. The judge will have access to all of the paperwork from the previous cases. The best thing you can do is to continue to put your file of evidence together ready for submitting to the court when the time comes.
Here's a link to a very helpful website that was posted by another member recently (Dougexcluded) you might find some useful info there. I only looked at it briefly, but I seem to remember you might be able to get some pro bono help with your case there....don't quote me on that though! 🙂
www.rcjadvice.org.uk
Best of luck 🙂
My partner was granted pr in Feb. The current court orders regarding contact state that for the eldest child; 'the mother should make the child available for reasonable contact but it should take place in the ..... area'. The fact that we get to have him overnight is more to do with her wanting rid of him for the weekend so she can drink in peace! Technically, she could order him home any time and we would be powerless to stop it.
With the youngest, contact should take place with the mothers supervision on days to be agreed mutually. No set times or days and at the mothers convenience. He is also not to be intorduced to anyone without her consent (due to the lies about me saying I wish she bled to death I presume!). The mother is not to allow overnight contact unless she applies to the court. (again, due to lies regarding the capacity of my partner to look after him). My partner is willing to go along with supervised contact in order to build up his CV if you like and on the surface of it she makes him available' whenever he wants'. However, she puts him to bed as soon as the eldest has gone to school, then we have him immediately after school at our home. Then when my partner returns him it is usually gone 7 oclock at which time contact with a one year old is difficult. She is also often drunk and beligerent so he reluctant to spend any time in her house to avoid the children getting upset (which happens frequently). He also has no way of proving that he spending any time at all with the youngest which is what she wants in order to keep control. I mentioned efore, he requested contact take place in a contact centre where it can be monitored and he will be able to build up his relationship with the youngest without the threat of her rowing and also to provide the youngest with consistency but she vetoed that outright!
I think each time your partner discovers her drunk in charge of the children he should call the police. I remember that your concern was that they would be put into care rather than be placed with you and your partner. I think I advised you to contact the SS about this, the children are at risk if she has a drink problem and it is an offence to be drunk in charge of a child....please get some clarification from the authorities. The fact that you have so much contact with the oldest flies in the face of the restrictions that are placed on you with the youngest, it's such a contradiction.
If you are going to put a PSO in then you need to do it quite quickly or she could have moved before you have a chance to stop her! I would also request alcohol testing to be carried out on her, you could do that on the forms.
I have corrected the link I gave you in the last post...it works now!
very quickly as I havent read all of this thread but noticed that there were slurs about your partners mental health made against him..
My ex did the same and I requested a GP letter covering the following....
"Current state of physical and mental health and a diagnosis of any condition(s) that XXXXXXXX may be suffering from;
Current treatment (if any);
a prognosis; &
(whether there is anything that exists in respect of XXXXXXXX physical or mental health that could impinge on the ability to care for / parent the children, and if so what and how."
Could your partner request one from his GP and submit it as evidence to support himself? Cost me £25
Regards,
Dave
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