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I'll try to keep this brief but I suspect it might get a little long.
Short version:
My 6 year old son was born and has lived in Wales his whole life. My partner and I suffered a breakdown in our relationship and decided to separate. We had decided on a good, fair plan for visitation where it was roughly 50/50 split and, as my partner has never been employed, I agreed that whilst she relocated we would remain under the same roof and I would continue to support her. My partner has a crazy background (more on that later) and I didn't want to over-stress her by putting too much on her plate - this was approx. 4 months ago.
Over the past few months I quickly realised that it wasn't such a good idea to try and live together amicably whilst separating as we would argue quite often and sometimes my son would be present. Arguments didn't get too heated but there certainly were raised voices and a lot of tension. I'm no angel and gave as good as I got verbally but I've never laid hands on her or my son, ever.
About 2 weeks ago a neighbour friend of ours offered my partner a room to stay in whilst she finalised her moving arrangements. She had found a place and, as I had agreed with her, she was in the process of saving enough money for the deposit and rent payments. We had a discussion regarding her living arrangements and she and I agreed that it would be in the best interest of our son if one of us was not present. I've accumulated a lot of debt as my partner, during the 8 years we were together, would not get a job - even when my son was in full time school - so I could not afford to maintain the house we were in and get another place and I don't have anyone to stay with. I suggested to my partner that she spend nights at a neighbours house and I told her she can keep the keys to this place and be in the house when I'm at work and keep my son with her all day, just he would remain sleeping in his own room and when he went to bed and I came home from work she could spend the evenings at the neighbours - avoiding all contact and all risk of arguments.
Initially she agreed to this but shortly after began accusing me of being 'up to something' - as though I was orchestrating her removal from the house. I reinforced the fact that she can keep a copy of the house keys and that I would be home at 7PM to kiss my son goodnight and we wouldn't have to see eachother - but she didn't agree.
After a while she became very agitated and took my son and attempted to leave the house, walking the opposite direction from my house and the neighbours house with my son. Obviously I was concerned as my son was not properly dressed and we're in the middle of a cold-snap here in Wales, so I told her to come back in and sit down. She refused and became very agitated. She took her phone out and told me that if I didn't let her leave she would phone the police. I picked my son up, took him back in the house and told her she should phone the police. She called them, asked them to come out (gave no information, simply said I need the police at
) and I went along with it. I dared not try and physically stop her so I thought letting her make the call and letting the police come out would be a good idea.Here's where it gets crazy.
When the police arrived I stood outside the house. When the officers exited the vehicles she immediately ran over and ushered one of them over to the neighbours house and they went inside. I started discussing the situation with the second officer and made my apologies for wasting police time. We spoke for about 15 minutes and got all the information while it was fresh and I had absolutely no concerns anything was going to happen.
What happened was, they took me to the station for a statement.
Whilst I was at the station, my partner packed all of her things (little to none of my sons belongings) and went to the neighbours house. I thought fine, I would have preferred my son spend his nights in his own bed but as long as we stuck to the visitation arrangement I thought this would be OK for now.
Once the police had questioned me (released with no charge, no warning and just some advice to let her cool down) I went home.
I tried to call her around 4-5 hours later to check on my son and she cut me off. I tried a further 2 times and then rang the neighbour. She explained to me that my partner was bathing my son. Two more calls like this occurred, each time with a similar excuse. 'Putting him to bed now' and 'Shes in the bath now, she will call you back'.
Sure enough she called me back and we arranged that I could see my son in the morning as I was concerned about how he was feeling having seen police turn up at the house (this is something he has never experienced before) and she agreed.
Following morning comes, I call her - no answer. Call the neighbour - no answer. So I left her a message and went to work. That morning I received a call from my partner simply stating 'Ive been advised to let you know that i am OK' and she hung up.
Quite confused at this point I decided to try and call her back and ask her what she meant. Her mother answered the phone.
Here's where it gets really crazy.
Back when I met my partner she was living at her mothers house. Her mother is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who had severely abused her while she was younger. My ex-partner is partially deaf in one ear due to an assault by her mother a few years before my son was born. Her mother had also made more than 10 false police statements against my ex-partner (her daughter), accusing her of stealing non-existent jewelry and similar things. Her mother is well known to the police and has been arrested many, many times. She lives in London in a mental health assisted care complex and has been sectioned under the mental health act as recently as 8 months ago for violent and drunken behavior in public.
My partner, working in cahoots with the neighbour, had fled to London and her mother was now telling me that she will be filing some sort of abuse case against me. She told me that I won't be seeing my son again, stating that 'he is with me now' (gave me chills to hear) and that I shouldn't bother trying to see him.
They would not let me know where they are, but they are 200 miles away and she refused me contact with my son. This was a few days back, I've not heard from any of them and I've no idea where they are. I've got a solicitor and have been advised to file a PSO against her as she has taken him out of school and social services are now involved for unauthorised absences.
Problem is, I earn £110 too much per month to qualify for legal aid and I don't have an address to serve it at. I made a report with London police and they are taking it seriously, but when I filed a missing person report with the local police they informed me that she had already made accusations against me and that she isn't missing because they know where she is! I pleaded with them to forward the address to London police and he assured me he would as soon as he was back at the station. I rang London police this evening and they are no longer attempting to locate her because they cannot find where she might be! My local police had not updated them with new information, I had to ask them to contact them and they told me they would be in touch.
If you've read this far, thank you. I'm completely lost here, what the [censored] is going on? Am I doing something wrong here? I feel like I'm being treated like I have no rights at all. My son was born after 2003 (my solicitor informed me this gives me equal rights?) and my name is on his birth certificate and since the day he was born not a single day has gone by where I have not seen him and I have been the sole financial provider for both him and her since he was born.
I don't know where he is, can't get hold of her, can't get legal aid and can't afford the £800 solicitor bill to start a PSO that can't even be served until she is located. The police keep coming up short and telling me without an address they cannot do a welfare check.
I realise this is a bit of a wall-of-text, but this is all new to me and I never envisioned having to fight like this just to talk to my son on the phone, let alone get a chance at seeing him!
Feeling extremely lost and scared, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
