Hi all,
new poster here so sorry if I break any etiquette. Feel free to let me know.
I’m currently waiting for my first hearing date. Me and my ex have been separated for 4 years and have been 50:50 up until a couple of months ago where my ex started claiming the children don’t want to see me and ultimately refusing to make the children available at contact time, which lead to me submitting my C100.
She has not been responding so any direct contact over text or email and has now appointed a solicitor and asked I speak to them. I have finally had a reply suggesting some contact (a FaceTime call on Friday with the youngest and face to face in Starbucks with both with my ex “present but at another table”).
My kids are 12 and 7, both girls and until this summer there’s been no issues. The 12 year old suddenly stopped wanting to come according to mum and has blocked me. The 7 year old has since expressed missing her sister when at mine and that’s it. One time just before contact broke down she arrived with my ex at my house screaming and saying she didn’t want to go, but as soon as my ex was out of sight she was happy and loving and never mentioned her again.
my youngest was recently admitted into hospital and when I went to see her while my ex was there she was non responsive to me with a face like thunder, I asked for some alone time and again she was completely different once mum was out of sight.
Anyway, onto the point:
What on earth do I tak about with them? With their mum there and not having spoken to them in well over a month? Do I keep it light and breezy and ask about Christmas present wishes (I haven’t been able to yet)? Do I say I miss them or im sorry?
I know it sounds stupid but im terrified of saying something my ex will use or that will upset them and if previous experience is anything to go by they won’t be very receptive to me while mum is there. She’s saying any further contact will depend on how this contact goes while just adds to the nerves!
Any advice gratefully received and if this is in the wrong forum, please feel free to move.
Also wanted to say what a great resource this site is and reading others experiences and case law has helped a lot. So you guys just keep being brilliant.
thanks.
hi,
hope your well. I would suggest that for now to accept proposal from ex about having video call and seeing kids in coffee shop. it's good that it's in a public area and there will be lot of people present. I think it's very important that leading up to court your having face to face/direct contact with kids. that sets a precedent. so in court if your ex tries to say that your a danger or risk to the kids, that won't make sense as she has been allowing you to see them in person. and as she will be present there, that means she is not afraid of you.
with kids I suggest to ask them how school is going, who are their friends at school. talk about xmas and what they are looking forward to etc. you can bring them presents/treats and hand to them if you like.
Thanks Bill. I’d never turn down a chance to see the kids whatever the circumstances. Just nervous. This whole process is [censored] 😅