[Solved] Going ahead with residency fight - ANY advice!

Hi there 🙂

I dont think I can give you any more advice other than what I've already suggested but I can relate what happened in my sons case.

As I've said before my son kept hold of his son, the mother sent the police round but because my son had PR they wouldn't get involved. The mother beat us to it and got the application for Residency in within days, however in court because of Social Services/ police involvement with the mother my son was awarded interim residency. The second hearing was two months later and during that time contact was only allowed with my son present at the park and a playcentre. At the second hearing she was granted unsupervised contact but no overnight stays and at the third and final hearing three months after the second hearing, my son was granted Residency and the mother was granted contact for a full weekend every fortnight and a weekly, midweek 3 hr visit after school. Recently my son had to suspend contact with the mother because of serious safeguarding issues and we are currently going through the court process again and at the moment she only gets contact every sunday from 10am - 6pm.

There is no continuity in the way a court deals with a case, so much depends on the judge and their views, so this makes it impossible to second guess what might happen. The judge at my sons first case was fantastic, very thorough and showed no bias towards the mother....he was a male judge this might be why! At the first hearing in my sons current case the judge, a woman, completely ignored the CAFCASS report about serious safeguarding issues and was very biased towards the mother.

I wish I could give you more assurances for your sons sake but as I explained thats just not possible as there are too many variables, it boils down to the Judge on the day.

As always, thankyou Nanny Jane! He's due to have induction days in July and start school in his mothers town in September. He doesn't want to go to this school, he has many friends near us and wants to live with us and go to school with them. We're worried this will play a big part in the judges decision - if s/he awards me interim residency, he will not be able to go to this school unless they grant her residency back within two months of the first court proceedings.

Do you mind me asking what the social services involvement was at the time of her filing the initial residency order that resulted in your son getting interim residency? We're planning on reporting all of this to social services and within 24 hours filing for residency.

I dont mind, she was already known to Social Services and both her children had been on the at risk register. The police were very helpful as she was also known to them and when they had visited her in the past they had written in their reports how disgusting and chaotic her house was. There was also drugs mentioned....these reports werent available to the judge at the first hearing though. The one difference was that she had given my grandson to my son because she couldnt cope, but then after a week she wanted him back, we refused because my Grandson didnt want to go back and her home environment was parties, drink and drugs. This is what my son told the judge at the first hearing. Have a look back at my first posts as I go into it all in more detail.

If you are going to keep hold of him and are granted interim residency then get him settled and into a school near you ASAP as the more integrated into your home/area he is the less likely the court is to take him out of that, and place him back with the mother. Gather as much evidence as you can to support your claims and try not to get bogged down with scenarios that you have no control over, like the school situation. Luckily he is young enough to adapt.

Thankyou again Nanny Jane 🙂

When it came to CAFCASS seeing your grandson with his mother - how did that happen? I'm worried about him being near her in her house after her finding out what's happening.

Also, would it look better if I tried speaking to her about some issues - not the main ones obviously! - to show the judge I've tried? I'm very reluctant to do this as she might kick off and doubtful they'd even look at text messages as social services refused to look at any last time 🙁

How far back can I go on "evidence"? I have a whole book on things from the previous social services investigation from this time last year but obviously this is old and social services deemed there was no risk, argh!

Actually CAFCASS didnt ask to see him with his mother during the custody case. My son and grandson were living with me at the time and CAFCASS came here but spoke to him on his own in the lounge, my son went in the garden and I was in my bedroom. The Social Services also came and inspected the house and also spoke to us all. My Grandson was only 4 at the time so they were very gentle with him and he was very shy so I think the CAFCASS worker drew pictures with him and got him to open up that way.

Its strange that Socvial Services refused to look at txt messages because the Social Worker here was happy to look at my sons phone and also facebook entries the mother had made. I think that other members on here have printed off the txts and used them in court, also transcribed them if they are unable to print them off.

As far as the evidence is concerned if you feel that the situation has been ongoing since that time then it should all be relevant.

You could invite her to attend Mediation before you take action, if you havent done so already....thats the best way to show you are trying. But if you feel your son is being ill treated then that couldnt be resolved by Mediation. When you submit the C100 you woyuld include the form C1a as this allows you to talk about the risks that you feel your son is subjected to.

You are invaluable.. I think if it wasn't for this site I'd have turned up randomly at court screaming KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HER and locked up in a psych ward 😉

Oh yes, the first time social services were involved I went to their offices and they refused to look at the texts saying they were private! Texts saying she didn't want him, etc. Last year they wouldn't look at them either, texts from her proving everything that happened, all the lies she'd told social, everything. I still have a phone full of them.. if I can find it, lol.

Have just looked up some more on the new changes to Legal Aid, the line seems blurry but various involvement from social services MAY still be eligible, especially if the child has been on a child protection plan in the last 24 months which I have no idea about. Lot's of phone calls to make tomorrow!

Devastated taking him back today, he didn't want to go and got hysterical this morning 🙁 Didn't get much sleep tonight dreading it, and doubt I'll get much tonight with worrying about him.

...I know how that feels! Before my son got custody, when it was time for my grandson to go back to his mums he used to cry and beg to stay with us...just before it all kicked off he went from that to being really withdrawn and when it was time to go he would just bow his head and walk silently to the car in abject misery and that was even worse, we would be crying ourselves. The relief when she telephoned screaming that she didnt want him anymore as he was a monster! When we got to her house he had trashed his bedroom and smashed a mirror, he was standing at the bottom of the stairs with what I can only describe as a smug look on his face! He went to the car, got in and said come on then lets go home! He is the gentlest, most well behaved boy I've ever known and thats no exaggeration! He is doing well at school and is so affectionate, a few weeks ago he won the best behaved child award and got a certificate and got to sit at the top table...we are so proud of him! I'm sure his mother used to say "if you keep being naughty I'll send you to your fathers!"...so he took matters into his own hands and he was only 4!

Children are very resilient youy know and hopefully it wont be too much longer and he will be safely with you!

I dont want to put a dampener on things but as I have said before, no two judges are the same and what happens in the courtroom can differ widely, each case is different as are the outcomes.

What a touching story, you have one very special grandson - although you don't need me to tell you that!

I've spoken to the childminder who says he hasn't said anything to her and she hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Now even more worried it's us against all these people. Mother will deny everything, childminder will say everything seems ok, all her family will back her up, I just don't know what to do 🙁

I wish I could help you make the decision but its something only you can decide...Its not easy when the stakes are so high and I feel for you and your son.