Right, well here goes......
I was with my ex for a few months i then left her for someone else but after a few weeks she claimed she was pregnant. which at the start i didnt believe her but after we went to the doctors it was confirmed. after a few months we decided to give it another try but we just couldnt connect again too much bad blood (so to speak). I was arrested on the day my daughter was due to be born as my ex had informed them i had beaten her up 3 times whilst pregnant, after hours of interrogation and days of them looking at 'evidence' they released me as a free man and she was warned about wasting police time. i was unempolyed at this point and then was offered a job several hundreds of miles away on a fishing boat, which i reluctantly accepted. after 3 months the boat sank with me on it and i was lucky to stay alive this was 10/12/2010 i then moved in with my ex for xmas but in the new year she assaulted me by punching me in thee face whilst my daughter was sat on my lap. i raised my hand to block another punch and caught her in the face - to which she called the police. after being questioned i was released as my action was self defence and was asked if i wanted to place charges. I RELUCTANTLY SAID NO but i was not allowed to stay with them and i had to move back home to my mothers 600 miles away in scotland. after several attempts to arrange to visit failed due to my ex refusing to let me near them. i now find myself stuck. i have moved slightly closer to them and i now have a secure job and secure place to live.
just moments before writing this i had some messages to and from my ex where i have asked for details so i can transfer money into her account for my daughter but that was refused the reply was YOU ARE NOTHING TO DO WITH US UNTIL YOU ACCEPT WHAT YOU DID AND GET HELP. DO NOT CONTACT US AGAIN
what do i do, in terms of
providing clothing for my daughter as i dont want to send anything incase its too small or it gets thrown away etc
providing money for her
getting access to see my daughter
P.S I AM NOT ON HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE AS MY EX HAS SAID SHE THINKS I WILL TAKE HER AWAY FROM HER.
genuinely im at a loose end and dont know how much more of this i can take
Hi jack,
Wow, you have been through a whole heap of stuff mate.
Are you in England or Scotland ? Is your ex in England or Scotland ?
May seem like a bizarre question but it has a baring on the legal advise.
Gooner
my daughter was born in england
we both live in different area in england at the moment
Ok, cool - that means I can ask the Coram Children's Legal Centre to pop by and give you some free legal advice, it's always good to know where you stand regarding access.
As for supporting your daughter there are three main ways of doing this (currently - though changes are afoot to make paying maintence easier) they are : a private arrangement, The CSA or through the courts. For more details on these check out our Child Maintenance Options pages on the advice and guidance section on the DadTalk home page.
Because there has been accusations of abuse made by both you and your ex, I will also ask the Family Rights Group to pop by and share some sage words as well.
Keep checking back over the next few days for our experts advice.
It sounds like you have had a really tough time mate. I feel for you I really do. It must be hard to keep it all together, just focus on the fact that you have a beautiful little girl who you want to do right by and that should help.
I hope some of this is will be of help to you.
Gooner.
Hi Jack,
I'm Suzie, the advisor from FRG who Gooner referred to. Sorry to hear you've been through such an eventful and difficilt time. Before I advise you, could you tell me whether Children's Services (CS), the new name for social services, have ever been involved with your daughter? The reason I ask is because FRG specialises in advising people who are involved with CS.
Thanks
Suzie
no they are not involved
Hi,
In which case, I shall leave this for CCLC to reply to as they are the organisation that advise on private law matters (things between individuals) and we advise on matters involving CS.
Best of luck
Suzie
Dear Jack,
As you are not registered as the father on your daughter’s birth certificate you do not have parental responsibility. There are ways in which you can obtain this. ‘Parental responsibility’ is defined in s.3 (1) Children Act 1989 as being, “all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property". In a practical sense this allows you to make important decisions in your child’s life, for example, education, religion and medical care.
You can obtain parental responsibility through a parental responsibly agreement (PRA) or a parental responsibility order (PRO). A PRA requires the mother to agree for you to have parental responsibility. A PRO would be relevant if she does not agree to the PRA, this would require you to make a court application.
As your daughter lives with her mother she can decide on what contact you have with your daughter. The reason for this is because she has her on a day to day basis she is aware of her routine etc. Your daughter’s mother should be reasonable about contact; if this is not happening then you can make an application to the court for a contact order. We do advise that court is a last resort so you could try mediation or at least suggest mediation to her. The court like to see that mediation as at least been suggested to the other party. For more information on mediation please contact National Family Mediation on 0300 4000 636.
If you wish to apply for a contact order you can either represent yourself or see a solicitor. To check your eligibility for legal aid please contact Community Legal Advice on 0845 345 43 45. If you are going to represent yourself you can obtain the relevant application form from www.justice .gov.uk. You will need a C100 form for the application for a contact order and there are useful guidance notes CB1 and CB3. Once you have filled in the C100 form you will need to file this at your child’s local family proceedings court with a fee of approximately £200.
Yours sincerely,
Coram Children’s Legal Centre